Common Name: Davis Resident

Scientific name: Enviro leftoloonytunicus

Illustration By Conrad Garcia

Identifying characteristics: An educated species, renowned for its members’ permissive voting patterns, the Enviro leftoloonytunicus can be found in great numbers, rain or shine, migrating within the Davis region on wheels, chiefly bicycles and rollerblades. Known to gather for feeding and socialization at farmer’s markets and food co-ops, members of this species are known to wear organic cotton clothing and “practical” footwear. The Enviro leftoloonytunicus often carries a backpack stuffed with flyers full of documentation on the imminent demise of the planet. Also, species members tend to place bumper stickers on their bikes or transport vehicles so as to proclaim their belief system to their own kind. Recent sticker sitings include: “God is a Democrat,” “I Brake for Toads,” and the more esoteric “I Play Accordian and I Vote.” (Once in a great while, a “Nader for President” sticker can still be spotted.)

Call: “Hey, will you sign my petition?”

Migration patterns: Huge numbers of the Enviro leftoloonytunicus group can be found sneaking into smog-making machines and migrating daily over the causeway around 7:30 a.m. Strangely, the group routinely reverses this pattern some eight hours later. Behavioral scientists remain baffled by this repeated and seemingly destructive behavior.

Habitat: Tends to dwell in the treed, flat inlands of Northern California. Known worldwide for its enthusiasm for constructing a strange pattern or “maze” of bike paths throughout its breeding ground.

Diet: The Enviro leftoloonytunicus prefers a diet of tofu and soy milk, though members of the species have often been spotted, late at night, discreetly grabbing a juicy quarter-pounder at the former Murder Burger.

Growth tendencies: Development patterns have spurred remarkable growth among Enviro leftoloonytunicus these last decades. As a result, the species has spread out and taken root in large single-family suburban-style homes that are almost always built on paved-over “prime agricultural land.” There is no end in sight to this growth pattern.

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