The final Days of Lore

Let me count the ways
I don’t even know where to begin.

I’ve been thinking of the many ways I could approach writing my final column for the Chico News & Review. What to do?

Maybe I could put together a collection of my most golden pithy excerpts from past columns and just call it a day. For example:

“It’s better to be a smart-ass who’s dumb than to be a dumb-ass who’s smart. And tuning in here every week will make you more smarter.”

“I’ll write a sex column! With real sex! I’m going to make the missionary position cool again.”

Naw … like I said when I wrote my 100th-ish column a year ago,“That would be lazy on my part, and a disservice to you.”

Then I thought maybe I could use this space to reminisce about how I got my start here at the CN&R …

I was a recent graduate from Chico State’s Journalism Department, and to pay the bills I was doing accounts receivable for a company that manufactured paints and wood coatings, which I would occasionally huff.

Then I received that fateful call in October of 2004. Former Associate Editor Devanie Angel was going on maternity leave and, as a (beloved?!) former CN&R intern, I was given the nod to fill in for five months. I cut my teeth reporting and writing news by covering school board meetings and anything else that was thrown at me.

When Devanie returned in March 2005, it looked like I might be a done duck, but they kept me on as calendar editor, and eight months later I became arts editor.

Biographical stuff is always boring, though … which is why I made up the part about huffing paint.

So, how about this for a final column idea? It might be great to list all the people who have made my time in Chico so special, because like I said in one of my early columns back in December 2005, “Everybody loves lists, right?” And “lists cater to people with short attention spans, i.e. Americans.”

Who would I include? Hmm … Melissa Daugherty, Johnathan Deo, the Bournes, Team Cassidy(!), the Angels, Scotty M.F. Jason, the Indars, Barbara Manning, the Meehans (aka The Shankers; I’ve exposed them!), Chris Lindsey, the Driscolls, Matt Hogan, the Hernandezes, Natelle Fitzgerald, the Derrs, Miles Jordan, the Arnones, Daniel Paggi, CRUXters, Gruksters, CN&Rers, artsters, fartsters …

… then I thought about how I might run the risk of forgetting someone important.

I know! I could put together a list of the bands that provided my Chico soundtrack, and maybe the ones I played in! The Mother Hips, Purr, The Shankers, Lott Lyzzyrd, The Makai, West By Swan, La Dolce Vita, Incredible Diamonds, Red Track Jacket, Aubrey Debauchery, Gruk (yes, Gruk), deerpen, Murder, The Deer, Erin Lizardo, Dirty Sister, The Sleaze Tax, The Asskickers, The Secret Stolen, Holocene, Mute Witness, Nothing People …

… but, then, I really don’t have enough space for such nonsense.

I guess, looking back, I realize one thing: I rely heavily on ellipses … and exclamation points!

Let me count the columns
So this is it: 149 Days of Lore columns (including this one) – 1 (for the time Jason Cassidy filled in while I was on vacation) + 1 (for the time I filled in for Local Bastard while he was on vacation) – 2 (written by Conrad Nystrom while I was in New Zealand) + the 20 Everybody’s Business columns I wrote. That’s … let’s see … carry the two … 167 columns written for the CN&R.

Yes, it’s definitely time to retire.

Let me count the days
Well, not exactly retire. I’m simply moving to Portland, Ore., because … well, because change is good. There’s a girl up there whom I love, there are endless opportunities, and PDX just seems to be the spot all of us hipster, former Chicoans end up. Lotsa good music and lotsa great people … hope I can contribute to that.

But you’ll see my name in the pages of the CN&R. I’ll keep writing about music and whatnot and whathaveyou. And the column? You won’t find it here, but I’ve decided to keep it going at (coming Oct. 6!).

Come find me … we’ll keep this party going! Mmm … a shameless plug and a cup of coffee taste so good in the morning.

So, essentially I’ve been borrowing Jason Cassidy’s job for three years—now it’s time to return it. I’m good on my word. And I feel good handing it back to a guy who knows his stuff, can write about damn near anything and is generally one of the sweetest people I know. I’m very protective of the CN&R, and I know he’ll help guide it right where it needs to be. As for The Synthesis … SCREW YOU GUYS!! Kidding.

I know I promised something weepy and sad. Well, it is moreso for me.

I hate long goodbyes, anyway.