It’s shower time!

Sometimes, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Perhaps you can imagine mama’s panic earlier this week, when Gov. Honey Bucket told a Silicon Valley audience he would not be seeking Barbara Boxer‘s U.S. Senate seat in 2010. Neither would he run to be the next mayor of Los Angeles. Say it isn’t so!

Your buxom correspondent was so upset she pushed and shoved her way through the crowd of 1,400 to catch what might be one of her final glimpses of the seven-time Mr. Olympia. The usual Blackwater-esque security stooges halted mama’s progress at the velvet rope, but not before she heard the words that would help her formulate a plan to finally snare her unrequited love.

The subject was the environment, Arnie’s strong suit. Green technology is booming, he beamed proudly. And why shouldn’t he? Next to Schwarzenegger, Al Gore looks like the puny environmental girlie man that he is. The governor has single-handedly put a halt to global warming, in much the same way he snuffed out all of California’s wildfires two weeks ago. No one exists outside of his penetrating ecological gaze, not even his own children!

“I tell my kids no showers longer than five minutes,” he said. “I time them. I stand outside the shower and reach in and turn it off.”

Naturally, this got your faithful pumpenfluffer thinking. Suppose she was to sneak into the governor’s mansion undetected. Suppose she then and secreted herself in the children’s shower stall, water running, awaiting daddy’s return. And suppose he reached in to turn the water off and … well, you get the picture. Yes, sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. But rest assured, dear reader, this is the kind of global warming mama is well-equipped to handle.

Come on, Arnie, light my fire! E-mail me at <script type="text/javascript” language="javascript"> </script> or call (916) 498-1234 x3320.