In sickness and in trust

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My boyfriend has cancer and hasn’t told me. I knew he was going for tests, but when I asked about his test results, he said he needed more tests. I was at his house yesterday and saw a medical folder. It had an appointment confirmation for surgery and a treatment plan. I managed to choke back tears when he came back into the room by pretending I was having an asthma attack. Why hasn’t he told me he’s sick? Should I let him know that I know?

Your boyfriend hasn’t told you because he’s still processing his diagnosis and treatment. He’s likely an introvert who needs time to handle his internal response to a crisis. Once he tells you about his health, you’ll naturally have an emotional response. If he feels like he doesn’t have the bandwidth to deal with your fears on top of his own, it’s easier for him to say nothing.

Don’t take it personally. Trust he is doing the best that he can. He’s facing life or death. You’re wrestling with a worry that the two of you are not as close as you previously believed. If you push for an answer to soothe your worries, you’re prioritizing your needs over his. Don’t be that girl. This is an opportunity to be selfless, not self-involved.

Tell your boyfriend that you snooped through his medical file. He may have left it in plain sight for that reason, but that’s not a justification for your choice to poke around. Apologize to him for snooping, own your fears and ask how you can help him. Start going to a support group or seeing a therapist. It’s important that you stay aware of your fears and feelings. Don’t drag them into the relationship. He doesn’t need the stress. He needs support so he can heal and thrive regardless of what’s ahead.

I don’t know what to do about these two guys at work. The one I really like started paying attention to me, talking more and flirting a little. Then the other day, the guy I don’t like complimented my appearance in front of the guy I do like. Now every time I try to talk to the one I like, he says I’m taken. I told him I’m not, but he doesn’t get it. Advice, please!

Compliment the man you do like in front of the man you’re not interested in. Tell the man you’re not into that you’re up for friendship, but never with benefits and never anything more than friends.

You can also ask yourself why you’re hot for a man who runs when he hears you being complimented. You can wonder what kind of strange belief system he must have in order to equate a compliment with ownership. Was there something in your reaction to the compliment that he recognized but you’re in denial about? Did you hope that the man you like might find you more desirable after knowing that another man wants you? My advice is to look for love outside the office before this triangle tips into a drama that threatens your job or worse.

Meditation of the Week

“Everybody’s at war with different things … I’m at war with my own heart sometimes,” said rapper Tupac Shakur. What one thing can you accomplish this week to instill a lasting peace in your heart?