All things considered

Ted Wilson Reviews the World

Everyone’s a critic, but few people totally commit to the endeavor. Ted Wilson, on the other hand, is fully invested in his efforts to review everything. As in every last thing on the face of the planet, to be exact. Following the death of his wife, the 65-year-old former accountant quit his day job and took to blogging. Ted Wilson Reviews the World is a weekly feature for the online zine, The Rumpus. Here, Wilson turns a critical eye on people, products, places, actions, natural disasters and the seemingly mundane. The bowl of water on Wilson’s porch, for starters, only earned one star out of five, dinged because the neighborhood stray dogs won’t touch its bug-infested depths. Other subjects fare considerably better: Cadbury Creme Eggs, circles and Wilson’s magnifying glass, for example, all earned five stars, while the act of eating got four out of five stars—penalized only because Wilson doesn’t like the feel of half-chewed food in his mouth. Teeth, it’s clearly time to step up your game.