Names being mulled over for Iraq strike
1. Operation Arab Smackdown

2. Operation Infinite Infidels

3. Operation “It’s Getting Hot in Here (So Take off all your Clothes)”

4. Operation Enduring Death

5. Operation Burning Bush

7. Operation Tony Hawk’s Pro Warfare

8. Operation Fortunate Son

9. Operation Ass Magnet

10. Operation Free Winona

11. Operation Saddam A-Go-Go

12. Operation College Credit

13. Operation Evil Empire

14. Operation TRL (Totally Ripping Laser) Battle15. Operation Muslim Mash

Cheesespread on the town
Chico Halloween was a success, I guess—if you call massive police presence and rampant fear an improvement. I went downtown for about an hour to check things out but mostly kept running into people excited about having been interviewed on television. Overall, things were pretty mellow, which meant you could actually get drinks without waiting an hour at a packed, smelly bar.

I didn’t see many photos this year. So I thought I would do my own On the Town section modeled after those cool picture sections that show how fun college can be when you’re surrounded by like-minded clichés and stereotypes who crave documentation of their party prowess. But instead of photos, I’m just running captions. You should be able to imagine the rest.

1. Red-faced white girl beaming drunk.

2. Red-faced white dude, backwards baseball cap, flipping middle finger.

3. Three drunk white girls with too-tight clothes and florescent thongs.

4. Three bloated white girls wearing too much make-up

5. Drunk black guy looking unamused.

6. Two white guys trying to look cool flashing gang signs.

7. Six white girls with the same Friends haircut.

8. Two white girls with malformed breasts falling out of push-up bras.

9. Three drunk and jaundiced Asian girls suffering liver damage from alcohol and inferior American food products.

10. Beaming drunk white girl trying to look important on cell phone.

11. Red-cheeked white guy slapping girl’s backside and thinking he looks like Nelly.

12. Large group of drunk white kids indistinguishable from other drunk white kids and other drunk white kids, and other drunk white kids, ad nauseam. …

Weekly props
1. Election results: We’re all going to hell.

3. Roast for Tim Bousquet (see Genetic strands, below)

4. Cedar Walton at Sierra Nevada (11/12)

5. Alena Roll at Katsu’s