Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Rated 1.0

Blah, blah, Autobots; blah, blah, Decepticons; blah, blah, Apollo 11; blah, blah, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf); blah, blah, new girlfriend (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley); blah, blah, battle to save the world. Ehren Kruger’s script makes just that much sense, and it goes on for a numbing two hours 45 minutes. It’s just as well; a good script would have been wasted on fustercluck director Michael Bay, who could turn “Mary Had a Little Lamb” into incomprehensible gibberish. The hope of appearing in another summer blockbuster lured a number of big-name actors to come on board, either returning or for the first time—Josh Duhamel, Frances McDormand, Patrick Dempsey, John Turturro, John Malkovich—but none need work up an Oscar acceptance speech. Megan Fox is the lucky one; whether she quit or was fired, she’s well out of this.