The year in stupid

I sense a disturbance in the logic of local TV news reporters.”

I sense a disturbance in the logic of local TV news reporters.”

Hollywood never lost money underestimating the intelligence of the moviegoing public—even The Last Airbender pulled in nine figures—but 2010 set new statistical benchmarks for stupid scenes per minute.

The nominees for Stupidest Scene of the Year are plentiful: the And Justice for All fantasy in Casino Jack; a retarded man trashing an ice-cream parlor in Flipped; “reformed” sleaze Gordon Gekko promoting a book called Is Greed Good?; Mel Gibson wasting the Edge of Darkness heavy by making him drink radioactive milk; any three-minute stretch of Jonah Hex; Arnold, Sly and Bruce smirking at each other in The Expendables; and Diane Lane’s icky nuzzling of Secretariat.

In the end, they’re all blown away by the pathological stupidity of John Luessenhop’s Takers. The award goes to the opening sequence, when the titular crew of “cool” (i.e., cigar-smoking, porkpie-hat-wearing) burglars clean out a bank located in a Los Angeles high rise. During the heist, a hostage presses the alarm, and one of the “takers” has her call in the burglary.

Hearing the robbery over the police broadband, a news helicopter races to the scene, where they are assisted in landing on the building’s helipad by a robber (Hayden Christensen) disguised as a policeman. The helicopter is boosted by the gang, although after escaping they take time to blow it up while walking away in slow motion.

Remembering that this is the most important part of the robbers’ “meticulous” plan, they would’ve had to know in advance that: 1) a hostage would trip the alarm; 2) a news helicopter would arrive in time for their escape; 3) the helicopter would land, even though its entire purpose is to get aerial shots; 4) local TV reporters would then race unarmed into an ongoing robbery. Perhaps Hayden Christensen used the Force?

Congratulations, Takers, on the Stupidest Scene of 2010.