I witness

We saw you snatch our reindeer and sleigh from our front lawn in the dark about 5 a.m. on Wednesday. You were loud and quick. Probably drunk, definitely jerks. Our 9-year old said sadly, “But I grew up with that reindeer.” Were you ever kids who loved Christmas? Well, guess what. Our visiting relative, an FBI agent, will track you down like the dirty dogs that you have become if you don’t return the reindeer and sleigh by Monday morning. Better get a move on it. You can still reclaim your childlike innocence if you do the right thing.

Send us your rants, kudos, love letters or bizarre sightings, but keep it to 100 words. You’ll remain anonymous, but you must identify yourself for us to process your submission. Mail: Iwitness c/o CN&R, 353 E. 2nd St., Chico, CA 95928; Email: iwitness@newsreview.com.