The Story of O
Last week I started writing a play. It’s a slapstick comedy based on a bungled kidnapping of the Bush daughters by two young sons of Osama bin Laden. Most of the action is set in the bar scene of Austin, Texas, on a rollicking Saturday night. There, the sons of bin Laden attempt to drug the young Bush partiers with GHB—only to discover a local fraternity member has already beaten them to the punch.

In terms of character development, the two brothers act as foils for one another: One is questioning his own militant fundamentalism, while both (rather naively) hope that ransoming the Bush daughters will save the life of their father and curb the war. Meanwhile, the antics of the Bush daughters, who grow increasingly drunk and wild throughout the night, slowly drive the bin Laden brothers crazy.

Here’s an excerpt from the rough draft, a scene I was working on in which Jenna Bush, who is starting to feel the effects of her tampered Sea Breeze, begins spouting off to another college student, an anti-war activist playing a Debbie Does Dallas pinball machine.

Jenna (sloppy drunk): Hey! … Hey you. Didn’t I see you on campus today? I knew I smelled patchouli. You were one of those freakin’ freaks protestin’ my daddy, weren’t you? You must think you’re pretty smart, huh?

Student: Are you talking to me?

Jenna: You bet your ass I am—why are you even here? This is a private party. Shouldn’t you be hanging out with the other freaks over at the Cellar Door or someplace? Tonight is my 21st birthday, and I am gonna get wasted on 21 shots—(burps) excuse me—and this is No. 11 (takes a shot, howls, begins singing “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m your tart, I’m your mother,” trails off). I don’t need your kind around here. Go listen to Marilyn Manson and (slurring) just get out of my hair dammit. My daddy could have you killed. (Her friends move in to separate them.)

Student: Excuse me? I’m sorry—but I could really care less about your illegitimately elected daddy. Cheney and Rumsfeld are the real ones in charge. Your father is just a spoiled Victorian child betrothed to oil companies, corporations that own this country and its policies and cause a lot of pain and suffering in this world. Can I ask you something while I have your attention, Miss Jenna?

Weekly props
1. Foreign press
2. Get well to the Donnas (car accident in Boulder)
3. Lee Scratch Perry 11/13 (TBA)
4. Exorcist Linda Blair at Farm Sanctuary
5. Ray Charles/Emmylou Harris (World Series)
6. Shout out to Cookie O’Puss and her boyfriend in the Iowa penal system—thanks for reading.