Local SFLA springs into action
The Chico branch of the SFLA (Students for a Lobotomy Association) recently convened in response to our government’s attacks on the Taliban, that fundamentalist group of psychotic—and pathetically defenseless—hill-despots in Afghanistan.
“We agree that something needs to be done in response to the heinous crimes of Sept. 11,” said chairman Mongo Diablo, “but we were hoping someone with a brain would do it.”

Originally formed during the Gulf War, the SFLA is a sarcastic group of “freak and geek” students who recognize their own ignorance in world affairs and are generally disappointed in a U.S. government that continues to dictate foreign policy and matters of life and death from the underlying ethos of global privatization—misrepresented to citizens as Democracy (or freedom) vs. the Evildoers.

SFLA members claim allegiance to their fellow countrymen and women ("please don’t hurt us,” says Diablo), though they disagree that we should fall blindly in line behind a war machine led by a dyslexic puppet.

Subsequently, SFLA members have received death threats and harassment from other students and Americans, particularly the group RAW, or Rednecks for an American World.

“These dissenters should be shot,” said RAW spokesperson Jimbo Dudd. “Now’s not the time or place to question Bush. We got these towel heads ’round the world that need to be kilt before they get nukes. Who cares if we start WWIII? I say bomb all them brownskin nuts. They’re just itchin’ to be united with Allah or whatever, anyway.”

Dudd went on to repeat the latest dictum of George Dubya: “We will not falter, we will not fail./ On wings of angels we will sail./ Rah-rah-rah, give ’em hail!”

The SFLA believes citizens should indeed question a government that controls the media and admits lying is necessary during wartime, asking that we remember local Germans who, after WWII, had no idea Jews were being burned in their back yards. Diablo suggests seeking long-term solutions as opposed to dropping bombs on empty buildings and starved, fleeing children.

“I’ve traveled around the world,” said a freshman SFLA member. “When I saw all the stink-eye I was getting as an American, it made me sad. Now, thanks to the foresight of our government, I’ve got to pretend I’m Canadian next time—with all the pockets of terrorism blossoming everywhere. Personally, I don’t go on vacation to have my tortured corpse dragged behind a jeep of howling fundamentalists flogging a doll.”

Weekly props
1. Author Anne Fadiman at Laxson (10/18)
2. Sacto Kings preseason opener (10/14)
3. Nandi S. Crosby at Wordcore (10/12, Has Beans)
4. True Love Always at the Senator (10/17)
5. Sculptures of Alan Carrier (Chico Art Center)