The lost weekend
Irresponsible suggestions for your Oscar party
Here at SN&R, we don’t take our partying lightly. When recently asked to come up with a drinking game for our annual Oscar soirée, we knew it would have to, well, both be practical and get ya good and fuddled. So, without further ado, our 2006 Oscar Drinking Challenge.
Rules of play:
(1) Write each drinking scenario on a small card.
(2) Ask each guest to pull two or three cards from a hat.
(3) Whenever your card’s scenario occurs during the Oscar telecast, guzzle away.
“You must drink if and when …”
• Jon Stewart furrows his brow during a punch line.
• The camera cuts to Oprah after a mention of Crash.
• Someone at your party points out that the whole thing is “unfair,” as if that had never occurred to anybody, jackass.
• Ryan Phillippe bogarts his wife’s spotlight.
• Robert Altman uses the word “bitch” during his acceptance speech.
• Someone at your party catcalls a Jessica Alba appearance.
• The camera cuts to Clint Eastwood after a gay-cowboy joke.
• A winner thanks his or her agent after thanking God.
• The camera cuts to Scarlett Johansson’s cleavage.
• The camera cuts to a sore loser pretending not to be pissed that the other person won.
• Someone refers to George Clooney as a “director.”
• Someone gets cut off by the music during his or her speech. If the person refuses to leave, drink until he or she finally does leave. If the person has to be dragged away by security, finish the bottle.
And so on.
Suggested Oscar-themed modes of imbibery:
• Hacker-Pschorr beer for Munich. Perhaps an anise-seed chaser for good measure?
• Brokeback body shots: salt off a guy; tequila and lime off a lady.
• The Crasher: Kahlúa, vodka, sweet rice wine and crème (shaken, naturally).
• The King Kong Beer Bong.
• The Good Night …: Bacardi 151, ice and lime, stirred in a short square-base glass, chased with cigarettes. Remedy with the … and Good Luck: orange juice, milk thistle and ginger root—to be left in the fridge for the morning after.
• Capote‘s GoLightly: gin with two olives on the rocks and stirred in a tall tumbler (do not hold the glass with your pinky finger).
• Walk the Line and Say the Alphabet Backwards: a road game for those who neglect to assign a designated driver. Losers get a trip to Folsom Prison. Or, take a lesson from Johnny Cash and stick to branch water, straight up.