So what if the governor might be a closeted homosexual fruitbat?

Mama’s vexed! After last week’s mention of After Dark, the softcore gay porn magazine from the 1970s that Arnold appeared in wearing nothing but a pair of low-cut briefs and a provocative leer, several readers called the A-watch hotline to suggest that the governor is undoubtedly yet another Republican closet case, much like recently outed Idaho Sen. Larry “wide stance” Craig.

Governor gay-wad? Say it ain’t so! Not my little liebkind!

It’s true that it’s long been rumored that several well-endowed gay benefactors helped bring young Arnold to the States; once here, he posed for a series of nude photographs with the late Robert Mapplethorpe that have never been shown publicly. Everybody knows those “rowdy movie sets” in Hollywood are crawling with flamers, and in public life, the world’s greatest action hero has surrounded himself with a number of highly placed lesbians, most notably chief of staff Susan Kennedy.

But perhaps the most damning bit of evidence presented by the callers can be found on, the Web site that provides directions to so-called tearooms across the United States, including the Minneapolis airport where Craig was busted playing footsie. According to the Web site, the downtown Sacramento 24 Hour Fitness is a local hot spot for public sex of the gay variety. That’s right, the very same gym where hunk-a-licious has been known to, ahem, hang out on occasion.

What’s it all mean? Well, either Maria Shriver is the world’s most celebrated fag hag, or all of these incidents are merely coincidences. Much as your sweetheart would like to blame Maria—and assume the role of curing the guv’s gayness—she’s inclined to side with coincidence. After all, Arnold is against gay marriage.

What’s that? So was Larry Craig?

Looks like Mama has her work cut out for her.