Party on, my son

Ngaio Bealum is a Sacramento comedian, activist and marijuana expert. Email him questions at

Good afternoon, Mr. Ngaio. Sorry to bother you, but I watch Cooking on High and you seem extremely knowledgeable when discussing marijuana. I wanted to ask you: How long does marijuana stay in your hair? I have a hair follicle test in two weeks (I live in Tennessee, so this Bible Belt state is definitely not a legalized state). I smoked a lot of weed at the beginning of May. I’m not a regular smoker, and I have only smoked once since May. But I’m very worried. I’m sure you receive a lot of questions and comments on here, but if you have time, please give me your opinion on how likely I am to pass! My stressed/irresponsible ass would greatly appreciate it! Thank you so much for your time!

—Val N. Teere

Good afternoon to you as well! You know, we don’t hear much about hair follicle tests around these parts. It’s mostly urine tests. My understanding is that hair tests are more accurate for things like meth or cocaine, and not so much for THC. However, everything I have read says that THC is no longer detectable after 90 days, so you should be all right. And by the way, using cannabis doesn’t make you “irresponsible.” It just makes you someone that uses cannabis. After all, you still have a job. And listen: If Oklahoma can pass a medical marijuana law (And it’s a pretty good law. My favorite part is that it doesn’t let cities and counties opt out of having to allow cannabis dispensaries. Looking at you, California.), then almost any state can legalize cannabis. Hell, Oklahoma is practically the buckle of the Bible Belt, so there is hope for everyone these days. Go forth and sin no more. But maybe smoke a little every once in a while.

Hello mister Ngaio! Greetings from the one and only cannabis country, the Netherlands. I was wondering: Which strain do you recommend for music festivals? Love to hear from you!

—Bongen A. Blintz

Hello! This is a great question. I would say that you can’t have just one strain at a festival. I mean, IT’S A FESTIVAL! One of the things I like most about cannnabis is all the different flavors and feelings you can get from all of the different strains. For dancing, I like a good sativa like Willie Nelson or Trainwreck. For trying to sleep while the drum circle continues to make thundering rhythms outside your tent, I like a good indica like Romulan or Chocolate Hashberry. Party on!

Bro, what is the best weed for a beginner?

—Just Gotintuit

Bruh. I would say that it isn’t so much the strain, but the amount. Start with just a few puffs and see how you feel. Stay away from super high THC strains until you get used to being high. Blue Dream is always good. The goal isn’t to get wasted, the goal is to get a pleasant buzz. Enjoy yourself.