Fight spiders with spiders

Ngaio Bealum is a Sacramento comedian, activist and marijuana expert. Email him questions at

My homie has a nice grow, but I have noticed some mold on his plants. If his weed gets moldy or something, how harmful is it to smoke?

—Chaki the Fun Guy

Don’t smoke mold. Ever. Mold and fungus are no bueno. You are just asking for a nasty ass lung infection by smoking moldy weed. Molds and funghi love warm, moist and dark spaces. Guess where you have a warm, moist and dark space? Not there, you perv. I am talking about your lungs. Throw it out and try again.

My friend adds far too much fertilizer, and the flavor comes through. Is it possible to fert strong while maintaining the flavor of the strain?

—K.O. Curtopia

Right? Who wants to taste another person’s fert? That’s gross. FLUSH YOUR PLANTS!!!! Stop giving them fertilizer about one week after they go into flower. Just give them pure water and watch your plants thrive. Problem solved.

I have a nice little grow out here in the woods. What do you do to keep wildlife and other pests away? Also, can outdoor cats play around your plants? Is it safe?

—Mr. Green Jeans

Good fences make good neighbors. And good cannabis. A nice chicken wire fence will keep most four-legged beasts at bay. Deer can be a little tricky (those suckers can jump hella high), but they’ll mostly just nibble a few leaves. As for the other pests, like spider mites and russet mites and the like: Make sure you have good dirt. Good dirt makes for good, strong and healthy plants. Healthy plants are more resistant to pests. Also, beneficial insects like ladybugs might help, but you may have to bring in some pirate bugs or similar insects to really grapple with your problem. Check out Nature’s Control ( for some good ideas. If you think you have mites in your dirt, well, I wish you good luck. There are things you can do, though. Mixing in some beneficial nematodes or some diatomaceous earth can help. You might also try some predatory fungus mites like Hypoaspis miles if you like the idea of millions of tiny bugs waging war on the ground beneath your feet.

If adding more bugs to your bug-infested plant doesn’t appeal to you, you can just spray them. I have heard good things about the organic pesticide known as AG Plus. You can get some more info here: The price of good weed is eternal vigilance. Good luck.

As for your cats: It shouldn’t be a big deal. I am a proponent of keeping all pets out of the garden, but it isn’t always possible. Your cat may eat a leaf or two, but it shouldn’t really affect them in a negative way. Maybe spread out some catnip in an area away from the weed to keep them distracted.