Boxer must go!

Move over, This real American citizen has something to say.

Beware the Boxer rebellion.

Beware the Boxer rebellion.

Photo Illustration by Artdaddy

The only thing I hate more than liberal feminazi senator Barbara Boxer is, well, nothing. Yes, there’s nothing I hate more than Barbara Boxer (except of course, perhaps two or several Barbara Boxers!). The only problem is that I, as an average Republican citizen of California, do not have a large enough forum to express my hatred for Barbara Boxer. All of Barbara Boxer’s undermining liberal meddling is the downfall of this great state that I was once proud to call home!

Sure, I have my Web site (at to trumpet my B.B. hate, but that only gets a couple of dozen hits per month. Thank God (yes, the very God our children need to be praying to in our public schools) the California Republican Assembly (CRA) has announced a contest for U.S. citizens and resident aliens who are over 18 years old. (That’s right, you heard me, U.S. citizens. This is not a contest for those Californians here illegally and working one of our thousands of shitty underpaid jobs!) The CRA is seeking TV commercials that advocate the November defeat of U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer. The winning commercial will be aired “during the fall election campaign.”

On the CRA’s “funny” Web site with the “funny” name (, CRA President Mike Spence says, “We’re not looking for the typical campaign commercials produced by high-priced political consultants. We want people to come up with creative ways to let voters know what an extreme liberal Barbara Boxer is, and how her radical record is hurting California and our nation.”

Hell yes, CRA President Mike Spence. You have given me new reason to live and a new forum for my Barbara Boxer hatred, for there’s nothing like a good advertising smear campaign (it shows which side is more clever). Yes, they’re now bringing it to the people and letting them do the GOP mudslinging.

“Are you tired of the same old boring campaign commercials produced by the same batch of political consultants each year? This is your chance to show the world what you can do. Enter our “Boxer Must Go” Advertising Contest!” the site says.

Hell, why spend $25 million on a TV ad blitz like Kerry or $50 million like Bush, when the people who support Bill Jones, the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate, can come up with such an ingenious idea for a grassroots smear ad campaign. Yes, now we can get involved and have our negative voices heard!

Here’s the judging criteria: (1) impact, (2) originality, (3) memorable content and delivery, and (4) a clear message.

Yes, I know I can strongly deliver these criteria and more. The contest deadline is July 31, and finalists will be announced at the California Republican Party convention August 6-8 in San Diego. No time to waste! I’d better get started with my Boxer Must Go campaign ads.

My entries

Boxer Must Go ad No. 1

GRAPHIC: We see various images of Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda firing weapons. We see a group of Muslim extremists burning the American flag. We see Muslims laughing.

VOICE-OVER: Barbara Boxer has failed to understand that California is now a very different state than when she was first elected. We are at war, and yet consistently we Republicans have been unable to make the case to Boxer to support not only the Homeland Security Department but the Defense Department in general and, in turn, to support the needs of Californians with respect to national defense.

GRAPHIC: Planes fly into the World Trade Center. Then we see Barbara Boxer’s head superimposed over Bin Laden.

VOICE-OVER: A vote for Barbara Boxer is a vote for terrorism!

Boxer Must Go ad No. 2

GRAPHIC: We see a major riot in a big city. Windows are being smashed. TVs are being taken from stores. People are running from the police. We see illegal aliens swimming across the border into the United States. We hear mariachi music and Spanish guitar.

VOICE-OVER: This could become a familiar scene in our cities if you vote for Barbara Boxer. She supports driver’s licenses for illegal aliens. Boxer repeatedly has co-sponsored legislation that would grant amnesty to illegal aliens and allow them to receive tax-funded in-state tuition benefits. If we let Boxer go through with her plan, illegal aliens will be allowed not only to vote, attend school, purchase guns and work our low-paying, below-minimum-wage jobs, but they also will be able to …

GRAPHIC: A California driver’s license with a guy in a sombrero that says Mexifornia.

VOICE-OVER: … date your sister!!!!!!

GRAPHIC: A picture of your very white sister.

VOICE-OVER: A vote for Barbara Boxer is as good as a vote for some wetback dating your sister!

Boxer Must Go ad No. 3

GRAPHIC: We see various scenes of police officers being shot in the line of duty. We hear Ice T’s “Cop Killer.”

VOICE-OVER: Barbara Boxer recently honored District Attorney Kamala Harris at a Women Making History luncheon. Harris, as you might already know, was in favor of pursuing a life-in-prison sentence rather than the death penalty for San Francisco cop killer David Hill.

GRAPHIC: We see Ice T. Then we see Barbara Boxer’s face superimposed over the rapper.

VOICE-OVER: A vote for Barbara Boxer is like a vote for ’80s gangsta rapper Ice T, who, by the way, is also black!

Boxer Must Go ad No. 4

GRAPHIC: We see brutal images of bloody aborted fetuses.

VOICE-OVER: Barbara Boxer refuses to consider what most people instinctively know to be true—that a pregnant woman possesses something exquisitely precious. For Boxer, maintaining her unyielding position requires defending the indefensible—in this case, allowing murderers and other criminals to assault the beloved, albeit unborn, children of pregnant women.

GRAPHIC: A picture of Adolf Hitler with Barbara Boxer’s face superimposed over it.

VOICE-OVER: Barbara Boxer—she’s just like Nazi Führer Adolf Hitler.

I called Spence, the CRA president, at (626) 644-0408 with my four outstanding commercial-ad ideas to help the Boxer Must Go cause. He wasn’t in, so I left the ad ideas on his answering machine. Unfortunately, I have yet to hear back from him.