Bottom of the Ninth


All right, guys! We’re gonna make a fuckin’ documentary about the New Jersey Somerset Patriots, a minor-league fuckin’ ball club. We’re gonna overlook the fact that the players as individuals are more interesting than the team. And we’re gonna give the least amount of screen time to manager and Yankee hero Sparky Lyle. After that, we’re gonna show three over-the-top, shouting fucking motivational speeches by the obnoxious outfielder whose name isn’t worth remembering, even if he eventually went to the A’s. (It’s good just to be rid of the motherfucker.) And when you’re shooting baseball footage, make sure there’s not much baseball footage, but lots of locker room shots and talking-head-style interviews. Because it’s minor-league ball and no one gives a fuck anyway. Got it? Yaaaaarrrrggghhh!