Onslaught of Slime
OK, important things to remember. First, the president lies a lot. He lies about as often as you take a leak. He’s a horrid jerk, a truly execrable sumbitch and a trophy-sized asshole with an extraordinarily high pucker factor. Trump is to Pucker Power what Hurricane Harvey is to rainfall. The Russian thing is a crooked conspiracy of Godzillish size, and the Mueller report will be, I predict, issued in a trilogy, because—well, there’s a lot going on. Robert Mueller, the new Tolkien.
As for Sheriff Joe, what can you say? Hey Joe, you’ve arrived! It’s not often a cop becomes identifiable by just his first name. But seriously, Sheriff Joe is the kind of guy that, were he aflame, many would decline the opportunity to relieve themselves upon him. The kind of guy who puts the oink back in the word “sheriff.” So naturally, he’s the first guy Trump pardons. We’re now somewhat deadened to this non-stop Onslaught of Slime, these placating moves aimed directly at this pissy, bizarro stratum of America now identified as His Base. Sure, getting numb is understandable; just no fair allowing numbness to morph into complacency.
There’s been a resurgence of talk about The Dossier. Yes, that Dossier. The head of the firm that commissioned it testified for 10 hours before a senate committee. That’s a pretty nice little chat. Bet it wasn’t all dry and boring. Bet they weren’t gabbing much about the Raiders.
But if you haven’t read it, and you’re one of the 65 percent of Semisanes who’d like to one day see Trump locked in the stocks of the town square so he can have his ass paddled with great gusto by angry, caffeinated transgenders, you should. Because, seriously, it’s so much more than the pee pee. Let’s get over it—I realize I used the pee pee tape as a punchline just a couple of weeks ago, and what can I say except that it was irresistible fruit hanging way low—and move along and inspect the real beef in that Dossier, the beef that’s all about Trump and The Russians who were of course working together to mangle Hillary. The golden showers stuff, which is certainly a milestone in The Sleazebag Saga of Twitler, is quickly seen for what it truly is; a juicy distraction to the Main Event, and let’s keep it in proper pisspective.
By the time you read this, we will have moved way past Sheriff Joe and on to the latest Pyongyang Charlottesville Putinpuff. Can’t wait.