Unpresidented

Racism has been a nasty, pernicious national bugaboo for quite some time—like, for every day there’s been a United States. And it’s a real shitty bugaboo, at that. So it’d be nice if our National Valedictorian Jared would push “Racism Resolution” to the top of his admittedly jam-packed “Things To Do” list. Maybe tackle this thorny racist thing right after he gets the Middle East all squared away? Because all this KKK Nazi white nationalist jive really is just a pain in the ass and a public relations nightmare, and goddammit, aren’t we ready to just be over it, fercrissake? So yeah, Jared, make it a priority, wouldja?

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Like you, I was shocked at Dum Dum’s unbelievably fawning deference to his Beloved Russian Dom recently when he made the meekest of little pipsqueak remarks about how The Great Putin was doing the U.S. a favor by kicking those 755 Americans in Moscow out of Russia. It was the most simpering snivelsnipe from this pseudo-president that Sarah Sanders keeps insisting is such a “fighter.” Oh, really? This submissive blather about how Lord Vlad was helping America by eliminating all those salaries sure didn’t sound all that feisty. And no, there wasn’t any room whatsoever for that tiredest of excuses, the old “he was making a joke” defense. The unbelievable and undeniable truth of this bizarro moment was that Trump accepted Putin’s word without question, so much so that Dum Dum was instantly ready to accept that Vlad Daddy had fired those 755 Americans, even though any nimrod on Trump’s staff would have been able to inform our phony President that Putin can’t even fire the frigging BUS BOYS in our Embassy, and there was certainly no reduction of payroll by even a stinking nickel. It was all revoltingly astonishing.

In the aftermath of this unpresidented scene, I was caught up. “Why is Trump such a suckup to fucking Putin? Why won’t he say even one mildly negative thing about Vlad and Russia?” It’s now blatant brown-nosing on a scale that’s just flat out weird. What in the hell is going on?

And then—light bulb moment. Bingo. I think I got it. Check it out.

The pee pee tape is real. Of course it’s real. And Lord God Bufu Vlad has DVD copies in his desk, all packaged and ready to ship, the first two going to the NYT and WaPo.

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I’ll give the Klan Nazis White Assholes credit for one thing. Last Sunday morning, after their little Goonfest in Virginia, nobody gave a poop about wacky old North Korea!