The Mexican on Martin Luther King, Jr., refried beans, and Catholic girls
Dear Mexican: When are the racial minorities going to give up la causa? We have a black man for el presidente, and as a white middle-aged male, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been hearing all my life about how oppressed the racial minorities have been and what needs to be done to finally recognize Martin Luther King’s dream of people being judged by the content of their character, rather than the color of their skin. I say Barack Obama’s election has brought us to the place where all discrimination can end. Everyone needs to stop using what some people’s illiterate ancestors did to someone else’s illiterate ancestors as an excuse to justify further discrimination. Everyone, regardless of color, needs to pull together to make this a better place, and continuing to look for special dispensation through any mechanism that uses race as a deciding factor—e.g. any type of racial quota—is the largest racial wrong that we currently promote. We can move forward in a way that does not favor or disfavor anyone based on the color of their skin. Discrimination is always wrong. Even when you’re discriminating to help a particular group, you’re still discriminating. Our society has been trying to undo discrimination by doing more of it, and it’s time for that to end and for us all to move forward as Americans. Comprende?
Dear Gabacho: When will “racial minorities” give up la causa? When supposedly color-blind gabachos like yourself learn that the saying is ¿comprendes, Mendes? and stop with the bullshit Mock Spanish. Comprende-o?
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans put lard in their beans? I don’t know any fit ‘n’ trim Mexicans. Even the skinny ones have a lil’ belly. I just made some excellent refried beans with Goya extra virgin olive oil and butter. Just wondering.
Dear Gabacho: Because manteca is good, and they’re called “refried” because you fry them. Also? Lard is healthier than butter, so while you may be skinny, guarantee you won’t outlive our abuelitas, who love their lard late into their 90s.
Dear Mexican: I’ve been wondering if the women here in North Texas still hold onto most of the values from home or has the Americanized lifestyle set in and they have premarital sex? Being white myself, I find it harder and harder to find white women who have the values and morals I’m looking for anymore. I have always been attracted to Mexican women, but have been ignorant to the exact culture. I’m Catholic, so I’ve talked to some Mexican Catholics about it, and it seems most—across the border, anyhow—follow church values better than their American counterparts. What’s your opinion on Mexican-American women and the ratio of those who will wait until marriage and see that marriage through, the way it’s suppose to be done?
Dear Gabacho: Hate to break it to you, but few women wait until marriage to have sex in this country—Morbidity & Mortality Weekly Report: Surveillance Summaries in 2004 reported 43 percent of Latinas have sex during high school. Besides, few Mexicans that aren’t horny creeps even care anymore about a woman’s virginity: UT Austin professor Gloria Gonzalez-Lopez’s 2004 paper “Fathering Latina Sexualities: Mexican Men and the Virginity of Their Daughters” found even most Mexi dads don’t give a damn. If you’re looking for a Mexican Catholic virgin of marrying age, I’m sure you can find one—and get me the skull of Pancho Villa while you’re at it.