Tanks for our safety

Just what we need

If you’ve been losing sleep because of the scarcity of tanks in Butte County, you’re in luck. According to a recent article in the Oroville Mercury-Register, the Butte County Sheriff’s Office and the Chico Police Department plan to use a pending Homeland Security grant to buy an armored vehicle.

What a good idea. The courageous defenders of freedom who ordered raids on all those people last year over lawful medical cannabis just because they could get away with it want a fucking tank. A year after that travesty of justice and good sense a handful of arrests have been made, sometimes for something the goons found rifling through the victims’ possessions, including their hard drives. We allow so many laws to exist that few people could stand the scrutiny we currently let governments impose on us, and I’m guessing such people are insufferably dull.

Technically, our brave peace officers don’t plan to buy a tank. They plan to buy a tactical armored vehicle, probably with a turret gun port on top, running boards, a battering ram, and tires that work even if they’re flat, but I bet when they come for you the lack of tank tracks won’t matter.

The Butte County tank is expected to hold three or four people and cost $230,000, depending on options. Although clearly a toy, it’s a necessity now because this one time cops used a dump truck from the city to get close to a suspect in Butte Creek Canyon who had them pinned down by gunfire. It seems like creative use of a dump truck to me and frugal to boot, but for cops it means now they need a tank.

Chico Police Sgt. Rob Merrifield allegedly said, “The vehicle will probably be deployed to every incident in the county where there is a potential for an armed standoff or where police officers face extreme hazards.” Since the potential for an armed standoff exists anywhere there are cops, the Butte County tank is likely to be busy. I wonder what kind of gas mileage it gets.

On the other hand, the article in question was written by the same reporter who did such a sloppy job on the story about Gregory Wright’s latest catastrophe. Maybe he got it wrong again and our local heroes actually want to put that money into compensation and services for the people locked up in Butte County for victimless crimes, where the only one with a beef is the arresting officer. Maybe they plan to use the money for meditation and mindfulness training for themselves and their underlings.

Or maybe they’re gonna buy a tank.