Rated 2.0

A long, long time ago, a bunch of barbaric Vikings dropped by North America to do what Vikings like to do: rape, pillage and kick some serious ass in the nastiest ways they could come up with. On their way out of the blood-drenched village, they forget a little Viking boy who is in turn adopted by the noble (and very understanding) American Indian survivors. The years go by and the boy grows up and the Vikings return and, well, rinse, lather and repeat. Sure, there’s plenty of gore and whatnot, but it’s all buried beneath the murky visuals and half-assed aphorisms, and there’s not enough. Of anything. It just sort of lies there like a New Age-y Rambo. Pretty much nothing but wankfare for manboys taking a long-needed break from World of Warcraft to check out the latest Hollywood adaptation of a graphic novel.