Nah gah do it

Commander George Dubya is talking crap. He’s been ripping on the economy as consumer confidence in this post-Gold Rush period continues to spiral downward. And just what does Bush’s proposed tax cut do? Nothing besides put more money in hands of people less likely to spend it. Instead, he should give money via immediate tax cuts to poor and working class families so they can buy the DVD players and digital cell phones they need (maybe even some food and housing). Yet everyone knows Dubya is first and foremost the biatch of big business (when Bill Gates walks into a room, Bush has to stop what he is doing, hook his right thumb onto the tail cloth of Gates’ back pocket and follow him around quietly).

The latest misery on the stock market—major tech stocks crumbling/belching lives as companies cut jobs—is clearly not helped by Bush’s plans to feed the rich. Only Superman can save us now, and by that I mean the original Dr. Evil, the Round Mound of Rebound, “the nose that knows"—the Rev. Al Greenspan (or Algae). Recently, Spanman reminded us that he’s been warning of “irrational exuberance” for years, and that scared stockbrokers could now “just suck it.” He then spit on MTV cameras à la Tupac and vanished into the night in a jacked-up stretch Pinto with members of the Cash Money cartel, leaving behind a soiled Kurt Loder to deal with an unpaid Jack in the Crack bill.

Meanwhile, Bush remains blissfully ignorant of the fate his Reaganoid advisors plan to unleash on the world. Sources inside the White House say Dubya spends time giggling, and when he starts to cry, his lifelong maid tosses a treat of Morning Glory extract (wrapped in bacon and cheddar dog food) into his mouth. The president has been crying a lot after being told this week by advisers that he could no longer correspond via e-mail because it could be used to “show how stupid he is.”

A teary Bush sent final e-mails to friends including: Tanya Harding, David Duke, the Osmond family, Marv Albert, the Sublime Directory amateur voyeur section, Rush Limbaugh,, Barney and others. He then signed off from cyberspace with the same wit and finesse that won him the presidency: “Thanks for your financial support and lastly friendship. My unbridling love, Gorge.”

Weekly props

1. Wildflower time

2. Kings fans paying Jackson’s fines

3. Memento

4. Luciano at the Brick