Local bastard

The Rockness Monster, gettin’ off to the soft rock.

The Rockness Monster, gettin’ off to the soft rock.

Local Bastard has left the building. L. B. has finally decided to take a well-deserved vacation to do … whatever it is that he does. So the kind soul has asked me to step in to do … whatever it is that he does. For those who don’t know me, my name is Mark Lore. But you can call me Local Broke-Ass.

The show goes on. It must be done. I tried to justify not commenting on this, but it simply needs to be addressed. Last week I headed down to Off Limits for the Oubliette Perish/Fiberglass Jacket/La Dolce Vita show. I come to find out that The Orion is covering the show. Not only is there a writer from Chico State’s weekly, but half of the paper’s editorial board is there as well. Anyway, by the time La Dolce hits the stage, my friend Deo and I notice that the guy covering the show is nowhere to be seen.

Now I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but I think one should actually be at the show they’re reviewing. I just can’t believe the audacity he had leaving when his bosses were in the same room. Well, the writer was wearing a Dodgers hat, which explains a lot. And by the looks of him, he probably had some sort of sexy frat function to attend to. But to his credit, the writer did interview the members of La Dolce Vita earlier that evening, probably asking riveting questions like, “So, how did the band form?” or, “How would you describe your music?”

So here’s quick synopsis of the show, since there’s no telling what we’ll see in The Orion this week: Oubliette once again confused me in a good way with their math-y arrangements. Barbara Manning and Fiberglass Jacket showed me what good songwriting is all about. And La Dolce Vita put on an energetic performance that far surpassed its show at La Salles a couple of weeks earlier. I’m not an Orion hater. I used to write for the paper and I still know a few people down there, but I’m sure they’d agree that ol’ Joe Q. Reviewer pulled a dick move.

Speaking of dick moves. There’s been an escalating war of words going on between Local Bastard and Daniel Taylor of The Synthesis. In fact, Taylor dedicated an entire column this week to “Nick-Franklin-of-The-Orion-sucks-and-so-does-Jason-Cassidy-and-who-are-you-to-say-what’s-cool-and-I’m-going-to-end-this-with-my-usual-self-effacing-humor” shtick. Whew!

Now Jason Cassidy is probably one of the nicest human beings on Earth. And Daniel, aside from his shabby taste in music, is a swell son of a bitch, too (and a fine drummer). But I think to truly know Daniel Taylor is to read his riveting piece titled, “Watering the lawn, literally: The 11th Annual Pond Tour,” featured in Volume 2, Issue 8, of Bill Fishkin’s glossy home and garden advertorial masterpiece Inside Out. Within these pages, you can read about Taylor’s pond adventures in which he writes: “This year’s edition of the Annual Pond Tour—a jaunt around some of Chico’s best and brightest water gardens—certainly did not disappoint.” Nice. Not only that, you can read editorial content written by the advertisers themselves! Look! It’s an article by mortgage broker Ari Gagne. And on the facing page, look! It’s an ad for Access Real Estate Lending … with a photo of a smiling Ari Gagne.

One more thing. I’ve already annoyed my friends by making them watch this, but, bias aside, the video for “In the Satellite Rides a Star” by the Old 97’s may be one of the raddest music videos ever made. It features the 2005 Air Guitar Champion Fatima “Rockness Monster” Hoang doing his thing. Brilliant, I say. Check it out: http://newwestrecords.com/old97s/media/sat_big.mov Also, check the Old 97’s out when they come to The Independent in San Francisco on Nov. 19 and 20. You won’t be disappointed.