Culture vulture

And they’re off
One of Culture Vulture’s favorite songs by the great Dan Hicks is a poignant little ditty titled, “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?” It’s one of those musical questions that can’t help but coax a rueful smile onto one’s face, but which one doesn’t always want the answer to. And yet here at the Chico News & Review we’re about to find out and live out what Hicks was singing about.

For here at the CN&R offices the transformative forces of spring are going like gang-busters. Indeed, the gang is busting up, at least as far as the editorial office is concerned. But whatever transpires in the wake of these multiple departures, when our fresh journalistic blossoms burst forth in the new season they’ll be nourished by the deep roots this publication has in the community, though they may be a of a different hue and texture than any that have come before.

I know I won’t be alone in missing Tom Gascoyne’s droll weekly comments regarding the shenanigans of local politicians and developers, the impracticality of SUVs and their owners, or the perhaps unconscious hypocrisy of self-professed Christians who place more faith in the machinations of the free-enterprise system than in the beatitudes of Christ. Neither will I be the only one who pines for the personable, good-humored and thorough coverage that Devanie Angel has devoted to the vital business and educational concerns that form such a vital part of the community at large. And I certainly won’t be alone in longing for the sometimes bitingly satirical but always insightful and well-researched reporting of Josh Indar. Luckily, he’s going to stick around town, so we’ll still be treated to the occasional Lott Lyzzyrd gig and example of freelance investigative journalism.

So don’t worry about missing us. We won’t go away.

Now back to our program
Culture Vulture generally heaves the sports section into the recycle bin without so much as a cursory glance, but on occasion the sports world invades the realm of genuine news to the degree that even the staunchest avoider of anything that involves wearing a jock strap can’t pretend it isn’t there. Such is the case with Barry Bonds and his alleged use of almost everything under the sun to enhance his ability to knock ’em out of the park.

Frankly, Culture Vulture is in favor of educating the public as thoroughly as possible as to the effects of drugs from a very early age, and then allowing people to make an informed decision as to what they care to do with them. If all drugs were made pure, legal and reasonably priced, and every citizen was fully informed about the possible deleterious results of their use, I believe Darwinism and/or the grace of God would take care of the rest.

With that in mind, why not start an all-drug confederation of athletes? Give the enhancement-craving jocks anything they want, then document just how much and how often they use the substances of their choice, and let the public view the results in open and honest competition.

That I would watch with unfettered enthusiasm.