My 2002 Oscar picks
Look for the prolific Texan with the red nose—George Bush—to sweep this year’s Oscar race, alongside a comeback from fellow Republican and veteran actor Dick Cheney. For the fifth consecutive year, talented indie nominees like Ralph Nader and Noam Chomsky will probably be ignored by the Academy and sent packing to a poorly attended after-party at an imitation Spago’s—hosted by Corey Feldman and the kid from The Toy who went into porn.
Best actor—George W. Bush (Hail to the Chief)
Best supporting actor—John Walker Lindh (The American Taliban)
Best original screenplay—Dick Cheney (Operation Enduring Moneymaker)
Best director—Colin Powell (Home of the Free)
Best adapted screenplay—Donald Rumsfeld (The Killing Fields)
Best original score—Kenneth Lay (A Tale of Two Enrons)
Best actress—Condoleeza Rice (Foxy Brown Goes to Washington)
Best supporting actress—Christine Whitman (Free Willy II: The Dust Clouds)
Best cinematography—NBC (America Strikes Back!)
Best sound—Gary Condit (The Interview)
Best art direction—Rudolph Giuliani (The Brooklyn Dung Project)
Best visual effects—George Bush (Attack of the Killer Pretzel)
Best original song—Al Gore and Tom Petty (“Freefallin'” live from Even the Losers [Get Lucky Sometimes] soundtrack)
Best animated short—Tony Blair (We’re All New Yorkers)
Best documentary—White House (Inside Guantanamo Bay)
Best foreign film—George W. Bush and Matt Damon (Axis of Evil)
Best Picture—George W. Bush (Four and Out)

Column filler
“The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind."—H. L. Mencken
“According to polls, more than a quarter of today’s Americans believe in witches, almost half believe in ghosts, half believe in the devil, half believe that the book of Genesis is literally true, 69 percent believe in angels, 87 percent believe that Jesus was raised from the dead, and 96 percent believe in a God or a universal spirit. … Our minds evolved by natural selection to solve problems that were life and death matters to our ancestors, not to commune with correctness or answer any question we are capable of asking."—Steven Pinker

Weekly props
1. The Snores are coming
2. Michael Moore in Grass Valley (Center for the Arts 3/3, 3 p.m.)
3. We want Austin City Limits back
4. Digital Underground at the Brick (3/4)
5. Congratulations Chrystal and Erik!