Questionnaire time
The following best describes my feelings about Valentine’s Day:

a) My lover and I are elated to reaffirm our bond.

b) It’s a capitalist conspiracy by chocolate vendors.

c) I’m single; leave me alone.

d) “When I say I’m in love, you best believe I’m in love … L-U-V!”

I consider unique Valentine’s gifts to be something like:

a) saying I’m in the hospital and, when she gets there, hitting her with a water balloon.

b) getting matching nipple rings with hanging dice.

c) building a model of him/her using only Circus Peanut candy.

d) driving her to Lookout Point late at night and pretending to turn into a werewolf à la Thriller.

This best describes my reaction to Bush’s plan to dump the biggest nuclear waste pile ever in Nevada:

a) It’s as good a place as any.

b) I support my government no matter what ‘cause I’m an American.

c) I don’t want to die.

d) Duude, wake and bake.

I know spring has arrived in Chico when:

a) wildflowers bloom in Upper Bidwell.

b) Duffy’s is full of dirty softball players.

c) I start noticing hot young students and their midriffs.

d) allergies wreak havoc on my body like Mr. T on PCP.

e) it says so on the Internet.

The top part of the Senator tower should be:

a) put back where it belongs.

b) turned into a suds-filled disco room at the Bear.

c) placed in the grip of “the Hands” art project.

d) sold to Lucasfilm as set piece #2079: “Jar Jar Binks’ yoga studio.”

When Anthony Watts left television, I felt:

a) betrayed and bitter.

b) horny as hell and lookin’ for love.

c). unsure of which direction to take in life.

d) I don’t even like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I believe the new NBA dunk contest rules:

a) suck out loud.

b) don’t allow enough individual creativity.

c) should have included a low rim for Daryl Hall & John Oates.

d) “Dunk this [grab crotch].”

Weekly props
1. Spring weather

2. Angelo from Fishbone (honorary Cheese brother)

3. Violent Femmes in Chico?

4. The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan

5. Pedrag Stojakovic—3-point champion