McVeigh was a patsy
You may be sick of hearing about Timothy McVeigh and his lingering case, but check the conspiracy angle: McVeigh was a good soldier and, by almost all accounts, a nice guy (sure, he had that little mental glitch that allowed him to kill 168 men, women and children without a blink, but hey, that’s Uncle Sam’s training with a dash of psychosis and Midwestern machismo). For years, the government has been nervous about the growing rate of militia groups seeking to infiltrate a system they feel (in some aspects, justifiably) has gone totalitarian (these guys are just pissed they can’t fire a cannon in their home). But since Oklahoma City, the number of militia groups has supposedly dropped from 800 to 100 or so—mainly because people are afraid of being associated with McVeigh-brand terrorism.

By chance, I was actually at the building site a few days after the explosion (on my way cross country shooting a photo essay) and can tell you, it was like a war zone. Imagine a bomb demolishing a 10-story Crazy Horse on Main and seeing little chunks missing in walls as far away as Madison Bear Garden—that was the sheer force.

Could Oklahoma City have been a horrible miscue from a man the government “trained” to shed negative light on the militia movement? Conspiracy theory 101—the eagle has come home to roost. Some are comparing it to the famous fire Nazis once started in Germany as a public-relations ploy (to which Ted Koppel replied: “And we’re out of time folks"). These militant patriots think powder kegs are the only way of showing failures in “the system” (see founders of this country), how many more nutbags are waiting in the wings? It’s enough to make you glad you don’t work in a federal building.

Thank you, Bush sisters
It appears I have unlikely allies in my efforts to discredit (oxymoron) George Dubya—his drunken underage daughters! Instead of relying on the Secret Service or some wormy looking Republican assistant to buy them alcohol, these rich girls fight for their right to party just like coke-snorting Pa, getting busted every other week for shit-faced shenanigans (they probably should’ve gone to Chico State). Plus I hear there’s a damaging videotape of Jenna ready to surface from some frat boys (move over J-Lo). While this video may damage young Bush for life, there have to be casualties in the war to stop her clueless father from accelerating global ruin. Thank you, young Boone’s Farm warriors, for your efforts. I think a Howard Stern appearance of the sisters making out with each other is the next logical step.

Weekly props
1. No on Measure A (Thank you)
2. Clap your tits (Bob Log)
3. Chico Heat