War rules!

War rules!

Sluggo and Nancy watch the war
Sluggo: Leave it on CNN. I want to see this pre-recorded firefight.

Nancy: Are you kidding? Don’t you know they only show what they want you to see, anyway?

Sluggo: Look at that explosion! We’re kicking their asses all over the desert. Pass the Cheez-Its, would ya?

Nancy: Yeah, bombing elderly women and children. What ever happened to diplomacy?

Sluggo: You bleeding heart liberals make me puke. How do you think you’re able to express your own opinions in this country? It’s thanks to our troops risking their necks! Once war starts, you gotta support ’em for morale.

Nancy: Surrre, Saddam and his starving country of pajama wearing dirt twirlers were a major threat to our existence. We’re only the greatest military superpower in history, for f&*k’s sake. How come we aren’t worried about North Korea?

Sluggo: ‘Cause they got nukes. In the new world order, if you don’t have nukes you’re screwed. Precisely why we gotta make sure the Iraqis don’t make nukes for terrorists.

Nancy: Great point. We’ve played right into the terrorists’ hands with this mock-coalition war. While Bush and Cheney’s corporate connections get rich, the terrorists grow. They want Saddam out too, so fundamentalist governments can take over and the Middle East becomes more unstable. Osama and his ilk just got a million times more powerful. You call that protecting U.S. interests?

War sucks!

Sluggo: Whatever, assclown. This 24-hour war coverage is better than Playstation. Did you see that Marine rip down Saddam’s poster! Yeah! (Chants.) U.S.A! U.S.A.!

Nancy: You’re just the kind of blindly patriotic fool who supports every war without knowing anything about history or current issues. Without reading anything but state sponsored censorship. This is not a game. Ya think the war is messy; wait till you see the peace!

Sluggo: Whatever, hippie. Go beat a bongo and sing “Kumbayah.”

Nancy: Guess what? Somebody’s not getting any tonight.

Sluggo: What honey? Wh-where you going?

Nancy: To the peace rally, to find a real man.

Top 10 rated Al-Jazeera TV shows
1. Survivor: Baghdad 2. Who wants to marry a suicide bomber? 3 Everybody loves Saddam 4. P.O.W. Crossfire 5. Iraqi Idol 6. Muslim Factor 7. Infidel Yankers 8. The God is Great hour 9. Stock Watch 10. American Smackdown

Weekly props
1. Chico peace rallies

2. Bidwell Ranch flower walk, 3/29, 10 a.m.

3. Michael Moore’s Oscar speech

4. “We shaved our pubic hair, read our lips: No Bush” protest sign