The Price is Wrong, Bob
By now, bombs have probably already started falling on Baghdad (a city half comprised of children)—and we are well on our way to securing loads of that cheap gold so we can continue being the most wasteful nation in history. Keep our dang standard of livin', goldarnnit! I’m so excited for our bruised economy—it’s kind of like winning on The Price is Right.
“Let’s look at what they won, Bob!”
First off, behind curtain No. 1, it’s “irreparable harm to our democratic heritage!” Yes, tell those fledgling countries that democracy is right (but let’s not forget the military might! You only deserve liberation if you’ve got something we can exploit). Whooo! The United States has joined the ranks of the world’s greatest war criminals! (Again!)
“And what’s behind door No. 2?”
Mayhem, death and Muslim backlash for years to come, as we fight more and more wars in the Middle East (can anyone say Iran, Syria maybe?). Hey, somebody’s got to show them how to use their oil, right? We’ll civilize the poor brutes and teach them how to love their women! Hooray for military contractors!
“Let’s peek behind door No. 3, Bob!”
Increased chances of domestic terrorism at home and abroad! Yes, Bob, funny how the more killing we do, the more crazies want to kill us! Weeeird. And now that we’ve shown utter disregard for the United Nations and the world at large, who’s gonna care as we dig ourselves deeper? (The world voted Bush more of a threat than the most homicidal brutal dictators—but the rest of the world is just stupid, right? They even call soccer “football,” for peetsakes!)
See you at the Showcase Showdown, where contestants get to spin the big wheel.
“I want our troops to return home safely. I want them to live. Like a good German watching my countrymen march into Poland and Belgium and Luxembourg and France, I don’t want them to win and I don’t want them to lose."—Ted Rall
“I see parallels between the Bush administration’s pursuit of American supremacy and a boom-bust process or bubble in the stock market. Bubbles do not arise out of thin air. They have a solid basis in reality, but misconception distorts reality. Here, the dominant position of the United States is the reality, the pursuit of American supremacy the misconception. For a while, reality reinforces the misconception, but eventually the gap between reality and its false interpretation becomes unsustainable. During the self-reinforcing phase, the misconception may be tested, and when a test is successful the misconception is reinforced. This widens the gap, leading to an eventual reversal. The later it comes, the more devastating the consequences."—George Soros in the Korean Journal
1. Maria Oliver Irish Dance Academy
2. The Civilized and the Discontent at the Blue Room
3. Iggy and the Stooges reunion at Coachella (Indio, CA. 4/27)
4. Robots Hate Cowboys CD in local stores