One man’s culture of responsibility
As our economy crumbles and our 401K funds and hopes for a safe future of civil liberties take a nosedive, at least there’s comic relief in the news (between stories about cute little white girls being abducted while minority families ask, “Hey, what about our stolen kids?")

By comedy, I mean watching Republicans attempt to look anti-big business. Not to stray from my usual fish-in-a-barrel shooting, but it’s been a bellyful of laughs watching George II preach about a “culture of responsibility,” hasn’t it?

Let’s take a brief look at one man’s path to this enlightened view:

1946—Born George Walker Bush, son of an influential Yale student and aspiring politician.

1961-64—Attends Andover, where he is nicknamed “Lip” for his pouty demeanor. Demonstrates little academic success yet after graduation is immediately accepted to Yale.

1964-68—Bombs at Yale, parties with Skull and Bones secret society of (in my outsider’s opinion) ultra-rich Northeastern supremacists. Known foremost for cheerleading.

1966—Arrested for breaking into a dept. store. Charges dismissed.

1968—Avoids Vietnam by enlisting in Texas Air National Guard. Although he scores the lowest possible score for pilot’s aptitude test, he is immediately accepted.

1970s—Farts around, does blow. Gets rejected from Texas law school.

1973—Busted again. Joins Harvard Business School (see photo). Parties resume.

1975—Decides to be an oilman. Buys a million-dollar company with extra riches from school trust fund.

1976—DUI and alleged coke bust. Charges dismissed.

1977—Told to settle down by Daddy, marries; runs for Congress, loses.

1981—A failed businessman, he helps buy a pro baseball team. Becomes a red-nosed lush from too much time in the luxury box.

1985—Finds religion with wacko Billy Graham.

1988—Daddy becomes president; the party really begins!

1990—Illegally sells Harken stock, makes almost a million, burns stockowners. Daddy’s SEC turns the other cheek.

1991—Runs a scam on taxpayers, gets huge renovations for his Rangers stadium.

1994—Decides he wants to be governor of Texas. Buys victory; starts tax cuts for rich and executes inmates by the hundreds (several have since been proven innocent).

1998—Sells Rangers, makes a cool 15 million.

2000—Calls on brother Jeb to disenfranchise black voters in Florida; appointed president by Supreme Court. Republican powers that created and guided his life rejoice.

2000-present. Begins reign; after the 9-11 tragedy, declares “never-ending war” on whoever has the most oil left to pillage.

Foresight, anyone?
With global oil production peaking within the next 12-15 years—and the Middle East having final say—it’s time to upgrade to something environmentally smarter and safer, which is why I recommend reading The Hydrogen Economy by Jeremy Rifkin (best-selling author and president of the foundation on Economic Trends in D.C.).

Weekly props
1. Rolling Mozart Requiem for 9/11
2. Roshambo Winery
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs EP
4. Alan Lomax R.I.P.