Vanna, pick me a letter

California Stage

2509 R St.
Sacramento, CA 95816

(916) 451-5822

Some people really get their skivvies in a knot when it comes to weed. Of course, those are usually the same people who would most benefit from smoking a joint.

Last week, I got a little taste of that when I got stoned with my friend “Nicole” and her boyfriend “Johann” and then went to see Reefer Madness: The Musical.

(OK, their real names are Nicole and Johann. I just like using unnecessary quotation marks.)

First of all, can you believe they made a musical out of that movie? Isn’t the original film funny enough? I’m still waiting for someone to set Schindler’s List to music. That would be awesome.

The night started off at Nicole’s house, where we smoked a bowl while watching Wheel of Fortune. Isn’t it creepy how Pat Sajak and Vanna White haven’t aged since the 1980s? Do Pat and Vanna pay for the plastic surgery themselves? Or do their agents negotiate that as part of the contract? “We demand reserved parking at CBS studios and 52 weekly Botox treatments!”

After ogling Pat’s creaseless face, we headed out to Artistic Differences, the Midtown theater company that shares land with California Stage and the Sacramento Poetry Center.

Named after the 1936 movie, this Reefer Madness production takes a tongue-in-cheek look at anti-marijuana propaganda.

It’s a campy cautionary tale: Jimmy is an upstanding 16-year-old with a bright future. Mary, his bubbly, wide-eyed sweetheart, can’t wait to wear his class ring. But things go bad when Jimmy, hoping to impress his new gal, takes a hit off a blunt.

Before you know it, the whole cast is running around in their underwear. People are flying off the stage. Then Jesus Christ shows up.

You know what I hate about musicals? The music. Like Tool albums and church services, most musicals play too many songs that go on for too long. When I had to review Mama Mia! a couple of years ago, I swore I’d punch a kitten the next time I heard “Dancing Queen.”

But the Reefer Madness numbers are upbeat enough and short enough to fend off boredom.

The really hard part about writing this is that I liked it so much, I don’t have much more to say. Reefer Madness: The Musical was great. It was the most fun I’ve had while fully clothed in a theater. It was the kind of production that makes you want to smack people who say there’s nothing good to do in Sacramento.

And I was thinking that before Jesus walked into the audience and offered me a cracker.

That must have been why I left the theater craving Doritos.