In 17th century Amsterdam, a dutiful but bored young wife (Alicia Vikander) has an affair with a starving artist (Dane DeHaan) hired by her middle-aged husband (Christoph Waltz) to paint their portrait—all set against the background of a craze for tulip bulbs obsessing Dutch investors. After years of false starts, re-edits and postponed releases, the Weinstein Company’s would-be successor to Shakespeare in Love finally slinks into theaters, written by Tom Stoppard and Deborah Moggach (from her novel) and directed by Justin Chadwick. After all that waiting, the result is…well, OK. But not good enough. Great look, great cast (Cara Delevigne, Kevin McKidd, Zach Galifianakis, Judi Dench), but everything just sits there like a tableful of delicious ingredients waiting for a master chef who never shows up. J.L.