The Wild Life

The story of Robinson Crusoe—or something like it—as seen by the animals on his desert island. Directors Ben Stassen and Vincent Kesteloot probably thought they had a brilliantly original concept, but Walt Disney used it 56 years ago in Cinderella—and Disney they ain’t. Cinderella was a classic; this one is utterly, doggedly, defiantly undistinguished, designed only to play for a big opening weekend, cashing in on those millions of parents out there with nothing better to do with their kids on a Saturday afternoon. It’s like a meal of gummy bears: disposable and forgettable, marked for a prompt and well-deserved oblivion. You can’t even play spot-the-celebrity-voice because there aren’t any, just a soundtrack crammed with anonymous hopefuls whom only their mothers will recognize or care about.