The Animal

Rated 1.0 Rob (“making copies”) Schneider further proves that movies starring Saturday Night Live alumni are not inherently funny. Here he plays Marvin Mange, a police evidence room clerk who wants to be a cop but can’t pass the force’s obstacle course test. He is critically injured in a car wreck and a wacko doctor saves his life with organ transplants from animals. This “trans-species-ectomy,” among other anomalies, sharpens Mange’s sense of smell to the point that he can smell drugs hidden in a smuggler’s butt. By the time Mange marks his territory by urinating on the restaurant chair of his date (former Survivor Colleen Haskell), this lame spin on The Island of Dr. Moreau has already pissed away most of its one-note gags. Directed by Luke Greenfield.