SN&R slaughtered, Slaughter busted
Thanks to DJ Shaun Slaughter, everybody’s favorite button pusher, the first ever Sacramento iPod battle went off at Old Ironsides last Thursday without a hitch.
Until the cops came.
The iPod battle went like this: Teams crafted 10-song playlists on their iPods, then two teams get into the ring and brawl, song vs. song. Instead of punching people in the face with your fist, you press play on your iPod. Whoever gets the best crowd reaction wins—in theory. It’s like boxing for the physically feeble and overly sensitive.
But songs dripped out of speakers like spilled molasses. For one magical hour, the edgy nightlife scene of Sacramento transformed into Macy’s young men’s department. Not even DJ Scratchatory Rape, playing Kriss Kross’ “Jump,” could move the crowd.
With such blatant disregard for audience and mediocrity running rampant, team SN&R felt right at home.
SN&R’s team (Nick Miller, Jennifer Shellack, Andrew Nilsen and Josh Fernandez) was inebriated but felt totally qualified to hop on stage and press a button. Our opponents—two muscular bros who looked like they’d escaped from boarding school—cowered in fear as our first track, Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” hit the air. That is, they cowered until they countered with Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man.” Checkmate.
Before we knew it, our fight was over. Apparently, our whole team had forgotten that we only got two songs. If we had one more song, though, the audience would have heard “Wah, wah, wee, wee … Butterfly in the skyyyy …” and immediately recognized it as the theme to Reading Rainbow. And, had that happened, we would have brought the Watts riots to Sacramento. Which is weird because, in a strange turn of events later on, the cops showed up, shut the battle down and slapped Slaughter with a notice to appear in court for intent to start a riot. Coincidence or karma?
Although the final battle was cut short, it came to our attention after witnessing hundreds of young people in a nightclub—clutching onto iPods for dear life—that Steve Jobs was the evening’s real winner.
Full of hate, our team split up. Some of us headed to the Colonial Theatre to catch the end of the Ghostface Killah show. When Ghost finally came on at 11:30 p.m., the crowd went crazy for the better part of three seconds, then slipped into a collective coma. Maybe it was the horrible sound system, or perhaps it was Pretty Toney’s lackluster performance, but the walls of the Colonial have definitely been less bored.
Sorry Ghostface, that was probably your first and last time in Sacramento. But maybe you should have busted out that ill Reading Rainbow track, son.
Free Shaun Slaughter.