Sex & Love
Romantic picnics, nudist beaches and game-changer condoms
Mingle with green singles
Sacramento Green Drinks
You’re reading SN&R, so you heart the environment, right? And what do Earth lovers love more than loving the Earth? Why, drinking beer and gettin’ lovin’ from other green-friendly Sacramentans, of course. Sacramento Green Drinks is a monthly meet-up of professionals dedicated to reducing their carbon footprint. The first Thursday of each month, the group meets up at a different location for alcohol, networking and, yes, sometimes exchanging phone numbers with that brainy hottie across the room. If you show up on the right night, some green-friendly business will even supply the drinks. Hey, what’s the point of saving the planet if we don’t make any babies to enjoy it?
Sacramento County Clerk/Recorder
You’ve finally admitted that yes, this is love—the enduring kind—and now it’s time to make the ultimate commitment and get hitched. But maybe you’re not the bridezilla type, or maybe you just don’t have the cash to buy that “moment of a lifetime” or maybe you just don’t feel like adding to the crazy that is wedding season. Whatever the reason, it’s easy to skip the hoopla and put a ring on it at the Sacramento County Courthouse. For just $35 plus the standard cost of a marriage license ($82) and additional fee for a witness ($14), you can say “I do”—no bridal magazines, bouquet tosses or cake smashing required.
600 Eighth Street, www.ccr.saccounty.net.
Get it on when the AC goes out
Century 16 Greenback Lane theaters
In Sacramento’s sweltering heat, summer lovin’ can get pretty sticky. This is especially true for those of us who live without the equipment—or the funds—for air conditioning. So if the mood strikes you and that special someone, but the heat makes a midday hookup too hot to handle, head over to the Century 16 Greenback Lane theaters where you can ignore the latest Hollywood disaster flick, sip an Icee and get your groove on—all while fulfilling your do-it-in-public fantasy. (Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it.) Stadium seating and sparse matinee crowds make this movie house ideal for summer air-conditioned loving. Oh, but keep an eye out for ushers.
6233 Garfield Avenue, (916) 332-2622.
Romantic evening in the moonlight
A picnic dinner at the Sacramento Shakespeare Festival
The Bard under the stars is a Sacramento tradition, and this year’s plays are good bets. If you opt for A Midsummer Night’s Dream, you can enjoy a few laughs and a happy ending; if you choose Othello, you can comfort each other, because jealousy is your problem—for now. In either case, come prepared for comfort: Bring a picnic dinner (may we suggest artisanal bread and good cheese, some fresh organic greens with local tomatoes, California table grapes and really good chocolate?), lawn chairs, bug repellent and wraps. It gets a bit chilly after the sun goes down, which is all the better for cuddling.
Sacramento Shakespeare Festival, William A. Carroll Amphitheatre in Land Park, 3901 Land Park Drive. Festival begins July 2; A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Othello run in repertory on weekends through August 1. For more information, visit www.sacramentoshakespeare.net.
Hot spot for game-changer condoms
Round Corner Tavern
There’s no arguing that Round Corner Tavern is an indispensable Sacto bar. So much so, in fact, that although not one, but two cars have crashed into the joint, the place is still up and pouring. (Round Corner sells T-shirts with a photo of the first car that smashed through its Miami-style glass-block facade.) More perks: There’s a supercompetitive billiards league on Tuesday nights—serious inquiries only (e.g., not you, hack). The jukebox kills. The mixed drinks are stiff, as expected, and bottled beer is iced. Plus, Round Corner is the preferred bar of the Deftones—or so I’ve heard. And the kicker: There’s one of those condom machines in the men’s room that vends alien and octopus-topped rubbers. (For the record, not sure if the machine even works, so don’t rely on R.C. as your first line of contraceptive defense.)
2333 S Street, (916) 451-4682.
Feed the ducks
So, you’re tired of dates that involve coffee shops, bars or chick flicks. Nothing kills a romantic vibe like arm-gnawing lack of creativity. Here’s something new to try: Buy some duck pellets from a feed store, and have your crush meet you at McKinley Park. Contrary to what your crazy Aunt Claire told you, ducks shouldn’t eat bread; human food makes them chubby and screws with their health. But with the right food, you and your love interest can spend a lazy afternoon enjoying the summer air while you check out the gorgeous plumage on our local duck species. True, you’ll have to skip around the duck turds (or whatever scientists call them), but that’s part of the fun. Bonus points: Show up on Sunday afternoon and join the drum circle.
601 Alhambra Boulevard.
Forget the swimsuit
Nudist beach on the American River
The blazing inferno that erupts in Sacramento during the summer months can be downright unbearable. While a multitude of public pools and local watering holes for those looking to beat the heat can be found in and around our fair city, where is the exhibitionist to go? The answer: Check out the beach located on the American River near Auburn, with nudists cavorting about and possibly some hanky-panky. Take Interstate 80 to the Elm Street exit in Auburn, turn right and follow the road down into the canyon toward Cool. After crossing the bridge over the north fork of the river, park and follow the path downstream, crossing over the pedestrian footbridge. Continue around the bend until you see several steep trails heading down to the river. Jackpot, you’re there. Now, just take off your clothes.
Reach for the stars
Astronomy classes and drive-in movies
There’s no question that staring up at a canopy of stars with your sweetheart is très romantique. But you’re more likely to score points with your date by knowing what the hell you’re looking at. If you hurry up, you can do one better than a night-sky app on your phone: Try a last-minute add to an astronomy lab or the Stars, Galaxies, and Cosmology class at Sacramento City College. Enrolled students will get invites to off-campus star parties, too—cool nerd activities that also work well on the ladies. Or, if you’re stuck with the self-taught route, try a drive-in movie: Bring some folding chairs, some cozy blankets and some gourmet snacks to a sappy film (sans wine, driver!). Linger for the credits, point out some celestial stuff and steer clear of any stupid gags about Uranus.
Foresee your relationship future
A guy and I thought it would be cool if we paid a visit to the psychic for a first date. When we entered, a hellish heat rolled over us and we saw the psychic asleep on the floor. She noticed us and quickly seated us on an overstuffed love seat. She listed her prices and asked what we wanted while we exchanged uncomfortable glances. “Oh, we need to think about it, and we’ll come back in, like, an hour,” we responded. Of course, we never went back. I think she hexed us, because pigeon excreta was bestowed atop my date’s head a few moments later, and the relationship lasted no more than a month. But it was a great icebreaker, and made for an extremely memorable first date. I’ve gone back to the psychic since then and made amends, and the second experience certainly made up for the first.
1115 21st Street, (916) 821-7313.
Ditch the bridesmaid frock
Bows and Arrows and Très Chic Boutique
Wedding season is here and if I see another bridesmaid walk down the aisle wearing a frilly, overworked, frock in fuchsia, I may just go bridesmaidzilla. Stop torturing your bridesmaids by going the way of big-chain bridal store. Instead, visit local shops specializing in fun yet formal dresses appropriate for all the body types in your wedding party. For the vintage look, Bows and Arrows in Midtown offers an eclectic array of designs. If you’re looking for something a bit more over-the-top, head to Très Chic Boutique for a bevy of dresses perfect for any glamorous wedding.
Best summer love songs?
SN&R’s Facebook friends respond:
Lisa Walters: “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate
Warren J. Bishop: “A Summer Song” by Chad & Jeremy
Brigitte Driller: “Thirteen” by Big Star
Libby Parenti: “You’re Always on My Mind” by SWV