Sac 101: SN&R’s guide to college life in Sacramento

Before you jump into college, read this to avoid psychosis

I distinctly remember a kid in fourth grade whose name was David. He acted pretty normal up until the springtime came around. But after that, he kind of freaked out. No, actually, he really freaked out. He came to school one day wearing a chain-link suit crafted sloppily out of a screen door. He wore a plastic viking helmet on his head and in his hand was a large, wooden sword with nails sticking out of one end. Instead of going to his desk and sitting down before the bell rang (which is what were supposed to do), David ran around the room smacking stuff with his makeshift weapon—a globe, a world map, a fish tank, the chalkboard, Earl (which is what we weren’t supposed to do). The authorities were called and they hauled David, the mild-mannered student turned misguided viking, away. Forever.

Nobody really knows what happened to David after “the incident.” General consensus is, well, not good. But the point is school can be stressful. If fourth grade can be taxing enough to turn a reasonably normal 10-year-old into a frothing viking, than imagine what college can do.

So here you are. Before you begin your scholastic journey, we present you with this little guide—a Wi-Fi map, a slackers’ handbook, a list of late-night study spots and a professor’s account of student dos and don’ts—meant to lift some of the weight off your shoulders and your mind.

So consider Sac 101 a gift—from SN&R, from me and from David, the psychotic viking, who may or may not be in a mental hospital.

Staff Box
Design: Kate Murphy
Contributors: Ashley Downton, Jan Lee, Katie McMillin, Derek Nielsen
Editor: Josh Fernandez
Web: Kelsey Falle