No place like home

Why travel when you can be annoyed right here in Sacramento?



10 Folsom Boulevard and 65th Street
The new mixture of lofts and businesses at this intersection boasts a monstrous sideways LED display that reads “F65” and a gigantic severed-head sculpture underneath, bringing to mind a mixture of Salvador Dali and RadioShack. I certainly hope a graffiti artist doesn’t paint a mustache on that head or dump a bucket of red paint on the neck stump. That would be a tragedy.

9 Slamson
How long are we going to put up with Slamson’s lackluster performance and hold him responsible for the Kings’ miserable start to the 2005 season? Hopefully we can work out a mascot trade before the season is shot.

8 Traffic-easement signs
It’s hard enough to drive drunk in Sacramento without these confusing signs with 50 arrows pointing in every direction.

7 Davey D bus ads
He’s not a bad-looking guy, but those wacky-looking ads proclaiming the return of Davey D to a local radio station seem better suited to buses that are a bit shorter, if you get my drift.

6 The light-rail system
I really, really want to use public transportation more often, but trains full of people who flagrantly smoke cigarettes and cause trouble with no security in sight sure make it difficult.

5 93.7 Jack FM
What a treat to have live DJs replaced with smug prerecorded promo spots and a playlist that ranges from Burl Ives to Iron Maiden. Your mood ring may explode if you hold it too close to your speaker.

4 SN&R’s Spicy Personals
These naughty hook-up ads are morally questionable and obscene. They have no place in a respectable publication. Plus, those ladies never return my calls!

3 The Sacramento Jazz Jubilee
How come when you look at pictures of the all-time jazz greats, none of them is ever playing a banjo surrounded by old ladies wearing bad hats and hooker makeup?

2 The Tower Bridge
Sure, there are two minutes of twilight each day when the paint job actually looks gold, but the rest of the day it resembles the contents of a baby’s diaper.

1 Mark S. Allen
His one-word quotes praising films released by the parent company of his employer are always a sure sign a movie sucks. “Enchanting!” for sure!