More than meets the high

Ngaio Bealum is a Sacramento comedian, activist and marijuana expert. Email him questions at

I haven’t done any smoking for more than 40 years. I do, however, have an old cane that converts into a pipe/hash pipe. Due to the residues and my lack of knowledge of paraphernalia laws, I would be afraid to offer it on eBay or even keep it in my house anymore. Any suggestions?

—Model Citizen Cane

You have a cane that transforms into a pipe? That’s cooler than a sword cane. I will buy it from you right now. For real.

Since your name and location are withheld, I can’t comment on any local laws that may apply to your situation. My advice would be to give the pipe a thorough cleaning, using a product like Grunge Off or Formula 420. Rubbing alcohol and salt also work very nicely. Then you can sell it as a “tobacco” pipe. Remember, federal laws prohibit the sale of marijuana paraphernalia, which is why you can’t say the word “bong” in a head shop. You could also look to donate the piece to a worthy organization, such as the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws or the Marijuana Policy Project, that may auction it off at a fundraiser.

But seriously, talk to me first before you accept any offers.

What do you think of that New York politician who voted against medical pot but got busted with it?

—Upstate Nate

In case you missed it, N.Y. Assemblyman Steve Katz, a Republican, was stopped for going 80 mph in a 65 mph zone. Katz was then found to be in possession of a small bag of marijuana, ticketed and sent on his way.

This would be funny if Assemblyman Katz weren’t a member of the chamber’s Committee on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse, or if he hadn’t voted against a medical-marijuana bill in New York last year. It’s just sad and hypocritical. What? He can smoke weed, but sick people can’t? For shame.

I firmly believe that no one should ever, ever go to jail for marijuana. However, this guy should spend a night or two in the hoosegow for being a two-faced asshat.

Help! I accidently got way too stoned on my way to school today. I am in college, so don’t lecture me.

—Higher Ed

No lectures. I will snicker at you a little bit. Was it from an edible? You have to be careful with edibles. It’s hella easy to get overmedicated. If it was just from smoking, now, you know how many is too many.

It happens to cannabis users every once in a while. A couple extra puffs and whammo! You are too high to function in a professional or collegial setting. My advice is to have a big glass of water and something to eat. Unless your eyes are flaming red, most people won’t be able to tell that you are higher than Grandma’s bloomers. By the way, no one is sure whether or not marijuana helps you study. Do any of my users, er, readers have any opinions on this?