Let freedom pee

Fireworks: As American as peeing in a bathroom.

Fireworks: As American as peeing in a bathroom.

Cal Expo, 1600 Exposition Boulevard. Gates open at 4:30 p.m., fireworks at 9:30 p.m. Free, but parking is $10.

Hagan Park, 2197 Chase Drive in Rancho Cordova. Friday, July 3 and Saturday, July 4. Info at www.ranchocordovajuly4th.com.

La Sierra Community Center, 5325 Engle Road in Carmichael. Begins at 10:30 a.m., fireworks at 9:15 p.m. Free.

Community Park, 1405 F Street in Davis. Events begin at 1 p.m., fireworks at 9:30 p.m. Free. Info at http://cityofdavis.org.

In a hostel in Frankfurt, Germany, a few years back, I was awakened by an unusual sound and peeked over the edge of my bunk to see a drunken Brit wobbling in the corner. I had met the bloke that morning and rejected his invitation to get “pissed” at a nearby pub—mainly because after a summer in Europe I was broke and hadn’t eaten for two days. As I strained to make out that familiar, yet indistinguishable sound over his slurred British slang, I realized the pissed Brit was pissing in the corner—next to my backpack. He later tried to assure me that not all Englishmen piss in the corner when they’re drunk—just him. But I didn’t buy it.

So, this Fourth of July, celebrate the fact that instead of being British piss-in-the-corner citizens, we’re American pee-in-the-restroom citizens. Well, unless it’s impossible, in which case we go behind a bush outside like civilized people.

To honor American independence like the Chinese intended, hit up one of the many massive fireworks shows: Cal Expo, Davis and Carmichael are all legit and have various activities such as music, games and food. But only one event is two days long—the 25th annual Rancho Cordova Fourth of July celebration complete with fireworks, a parade, music and a carnival.

Or you can simply forgo all sanctioned events and celebrate your own way. After all, America was founded by revolutionaries. So, make some guacamole, grab a bag of Doritos and a flask of good ol’ American whiskey, and enjoy the fireworks by the river or on your roof. Then head to Streets of London Pub to get pissed, uh, I mean, get wasted. Damn British slang always seems to sneak in there.