I’m sorry I’m happy
In tonight’s very special episode of The Facts of Life, SN&R Editor-at-large Melinda Welsh unpeels the layers of emotional tissue paper to get at what exactly makes us happy. See, some are under the mistaken notion that happiness is derived from acquiring boundless cash, unbridled power or intense sexual pleasure. But as Melinda learned from the experts—who vary from a Sacramento novelist to a UC Davis psychologist to the Dalai Lama—it’s the act of giving that brings one true bliss.
In that spirit, I offer the only thing I can afford—at least until the Indian tribes cut me fat checks for editorially backing everything they do. That thing is my regrets. I am truly sorry for everything I’ve done in the—as I write this—45 days I’ve been in the plump leather editor’s chair in the top floor of the ivory tower that overlooks all you peons out there.
To the lady caller who alleges the Sheriff’s Department killed her son last year: I am sorry that last week’s cover story (Amy Yannello’s “Death watch”) on the county jail’s psychiatric unit pissed you off, so much so that you will never pick up the paper again. I am also sorry that, since you will never pick up the paper again, you will not be able to read that I am sorry. All I can say is … er … sorry?
To the thoughtful chap who wrote the not-for-print letter dismissing Josh Fernandez’s story on rap music going dumb (“What rhymes with suck?” August 2): Yo, yo, yo, lookie here: We wuz whack dissing Q-Tip, Jay-Z and Mos Def, see what I’m saying? It ain’t easy being a pimp, and it ain’t pimp being Eazy-E. So next time Josh represents, we’ll make sure he ain’t being sick-ass, aaaiiiight dog? Word to your mother. Wa ’alaikum as-salaam.
To the e-mailer who described SN&R’s Call For Unity as a sham because we’ve crapped on overweight people, Russians, Christians and immigration-reform advocates—all not so coincidentally on my watch: You left out the Hmongs.
Whew, Melinda’s right: I feel much happier now.