Float your boat

This guy’s boat sucks.

This guy’s boat sucks.


Cardboard will be the wonder tool of the 21st century.

It’s better than string, Velcro or a wire hanger. Please, even MacGyver couldn’t possibly grasp all the wondrous uses of corrugated cardboard.

For generations, cardboard boxes have entertained little rascals and helped babysitters reconnect with their boyfriends. Cardboard cutouts of Princess Leia no doubt kept many video-game nerds from feeling lonely on Saturday nights. All the best things come in cardboard: presents, pizza to your door, hot coffee.

But the best thing about cardboard: It’s buoyant. If Midtown is ever invaded by a colony of fire ants, you’d better hope you have cardboard to get you across the American River.

And this Saturday, would-be sailors will design floating cardboard fortresses and paddle their way across Deterding Park pool for prizes. Others will listen to live music and work on their tans. The smart ones will mooch on free barbecue and laugh at everyone who made a crappy boat. Cardboard may float, but people are heavy, kind of wobbly and, as Americans, not known for their physics skills. Things might get wet.