Cell off

Ngaio Bealum is a Sacramento comedian, activist and marijuana expert. Email him questions at ask420@newsreview.com.

I’ve been told “No cellphones in line” at just about every dispensary I’ve visited. They usually cite “patient privacy” rules while referencing HIPAA regulations. My regular pharmacy and my (noncannabis) doctor aren’t as strict. What gives?

—Reasonable Bloke

It’s about more than just privacy. Cellphones are wonderful and fun, but they can also be a drag in certain situations. When I worked at a club, we didn’t allow cellphones for a variety of reasons:

Volume: No one wants to hear a loud ass conversation in a small waiting room. Also, if you are on the phone talking to that one friend who doesn’t have a letter of recommendation about how y’all are gonna split up the weed, you just broke the law. Congrats!

Security: Cannabis clubs often have large amounts of cash on hand. Criminals love large amounts of cash. There are all kinds of ways someone could use a cellphone to set up a club for a robbery.

Privacy: Your doctor may be cool about it, but I know more than a few medical clinics that have strict policies prohibiting cellphones. It’s very easy to take someone’s picture in a surreptitious manner. While citing HIPAA rules may seem like a convenient excuse, they do serve a purpose.

As someone who is almost always glued to his phone, I understand your frustration. Look at it as an opportunity to prove that you aren’t addicted to your phone. Bring a book. Strike up a conversation. Sit in quiet meditation. I am sure you will be fine.

How do I include my current cannabis experience on my resume?

—Bud Tinder

Be honest and professional. Working for a weed club isn’t a big deal anymore. You just gotta know how to phrase it. Don’t say “budtender,” say “retail sales clerk.” Good customer service is good customer service. Marketing is marketing. Managing is managing.

Get your former boss to write you a nice reference. Make sure your office skills are up to par. Be on time. Dress like a professional, and don’t smell like weed when you walk in. Ace the interview. Get the job.

Wait, there’s a difference between dabs and hash?

—Khanzen Trait

Yeah, but not really. Hashish is made by separating the THC glands from the leaf of the cannabis plant, creating a kind of “concentrate.”

Back in the day, we used to smoke hash on top of a bowl, or rolled in a joint. Now that hash, er, concentrates, are all the rage, people use specialized hash-smoking apparatuses. Generally these thingamajigs work by placing a “dab”—a small bit of concentrated cannabis—on a heated surface and inhaling the vapors.

So a “dab” is just a small amount of hash. Or wax. Or shatter. You get the idea. Language is ever-changing, like bong water.