Burning desire

Ngaio Bealum is a Sacramento comedian, activist and marijuana expert. Email him questions at ask420@newsreview.com.

I keep seeing stories about cannabis-based lubes. Do they work?

—Keen Key

Yes. A good lube is a good lube. I have heard decent reports about most of the cannabis-based lubricants in the market today. However, these lubes aren’t gonna get you “high” in the traditional sense. THC absorbed through the skin doesn’t have the same psychoactive effects as THC absorbed through the lungs.

Let’s talk about weed and sex for a minute. In my opinion, weed and sex go together like weed and sex. Weed isn’t an “aphrodisiac” in the traditional sense. You’re not gonna smoke a joint and turn into an insatiable sex machine. I mean, I guess it could happen; I gave a friend of mine a joint one time and he called me the next day asking for more information on that particular strain because his wife got all turned on and sexed the shit out of him. But that isn’t how it usually goes down.

Rather than being the impetus for sex, marijuana is more like the ketchup or the Sriracha of sex: It makes everything just a little bit better. Think about some of weed’s general effects: It helps you relax, gives you a mild euphoria and heightens the senses of touch and taste and smell. These are all things that make sex feel better. Add in pot’s ability to help people zone in on a particular item or sensation to the exclusion of other things, and weed has everything you need to create spectacular sexy time.

Cannabis helps the body produce anandamides. Anandamides (also known as “The Bliss Drug”) are very similar to THC. Anandamide and THC both attach to the bliss receptors in the brain, and more bliss equals better sex. By the way, you can also find anandamides in chocolate, especially dark chocolate.

Weed can be great not just for your sex life, but for your overall relationship as well. Studies have shown that couples who regularly smoke pot together have fewer incidents of domestic violence. Also, college kids tend to use condoms more often and engage in safer sex practices when they are stoned vs. when they are drunk, which is awesome. Safe sex is great sex.

Some studies have shown that men can experience delayed orgasm (which would probably help some of you dudes), but that could also be attributed to the “time dilation” effect that happens sometimes when people are stoned.

Plenty of people find cannabis to be an enjoyable complement to a fulfilling and robust sex life. When used responsibly and sexily, cannabis can be just as much fun under the sheets as it is in the streets.

You are my Weed Guru and my Laughter Therapist and I give thanks for you to infinity. Would you consider being my 420 Travel Agent as well? I am planning a trip to Las Vegas and need a guide.

—Elvis’ Smoking Hot Daughter

Yes. My rates are very reasonable. Reach me through the Galactic Consciousness Bureau.