Did you give someone a plush teddy bear nestled in a bouquet of red roses holding a heart-shaped diamond pendant this Valentine’s Day? Did you receive a plush teddy bear nestled in a bouquet of red roses holding a heart-shaped diamond pendant this Valentine’s Day?
If you answered no to both of those questions, there is something seriously wrong with you. How can you prove you’re a functioning adult on the road to matrimony and family life without those diamonds? Do you even know how to love? Maybe your genetic code should end with you. You’re going to die penniless in a state facility anyway. You never should have broken up with your 10th-grade sweetheart, the one who taped chocolate bars to your locker door on Valentine’s Day. You’ll always be alone now.
That’s what the voice in my head sounds like after being subjected to too many Zales, Jared and Kay jewelers commercials every February. Pretty scary, eh? Compared to that kind of horror, the Trash Film Orgy’s Blood Soaked Valentine Massacre ought to be a walk for proverbial cake.
Laugh your way through Roger Corman’s cult favorite Bucket of Blood. Giggle through the Trash Film Orgy’s original montage of the 13 bloodiest moments in trash cinema. Skip to the lobby and buy a cute horror-movie fan some popcorn and candy. By next year, the two of you could be at the diamond-pendant stage!
Join the Orgy this Saturday at 11:30 p.m. Admission is $8.50 at the haunted Crest Theatre, located at 1013 K Street. Visit www.trashfilmorgy.com for more information and photos of women in bikinis.