Best five-star pet day spa

My name is Bernie the Pug. I pretty much sleep all day, but my owner, SN&R co-editor Nick Miller, is making me break away from siesta to whip up this shout-out for Splash Hound USA. So, here we go: I’m particular about my mani-pedis, or who’s cleaning my junk, so when I saw that Splash had five stars on Yelp, I just had to try it. Its groomers are gentle, especially when they go after all those hard-to-reach spots, like the folds on my flat face. Or my butthole. But what’s really cool is Splash also has a self-washing station, so now I never have to take a bath in the kitchen sink again. Humans prep food in there! Plus, Splash sells a lot of natural treats, not like Petco and Pet Extreme and all the imported crap they’re trying to pawn off as snacks. The place is open seven days a week—which means I should be going there every day, right, Dad? 1908 P Street, (916) 642-8700, www.splashhoundusa.com. B.P.