Beard metal

If your beard is dirtier than your welcome mat, you just <i>might</i> be in Times of Desperation.

If your beard is dirtier than your welcome mat, you just might be in Times of Desperation.

Times of Desperation and Master Leather Daddy play at Javalounge, (2416 16th Street) on Saturday, December 27, at 8 p.m. $5, all ages.

Some people debate over which bands are actually metal: Black Sabbath? Meh. AC/DC? No way. Dio? Who gives a shit? (Dear Jesus, this game is boring and I know you’re busy, but can you please use your magical staff or whatever to strike all metal dorks with lightning?) But the real question is: Why, if you’re a supposed metal band, would you even leave room for doubt? That question is exactly why we should get on our knees and pray to the real god: Times of Desperation. Because of the band’s dedication to ganja, you’d think they would play tripped-out Phish jams, but for a duo that loves weed—perhaps more than anything else in the world—they sure do play fast, grinding, relentless anthems. There’s a lot to say about Times of Desperation (Biaggio D’Anna, guitar; Rob Murietta, drums), but they say it best themselves on their MySpace page: “Two high motherfuckers got together one day, smoked weed, and fucking rocked. What else do you need to know? Fuck you. Smoke weed. Take your shirt off. That’s right. We said it. Biaggio has often been compared to David Bowie. Rob was once compared to Jimi Hendrix.” See? That’s better and funnier than anything else that’ll ever be written about them. They’re that good. Go see their show and get emotional.