All press is good press
I don’t really think I’m supposed to publicize my own events, but I never read the employee handbook. Maybe I never got one. Let me call human resources. OK, this just in: I got one (but with all those words and stuff it was extra boring to read). It’s weird because people give me shit all the time for writing about their events but not really writing about them. I totally see what they’re saying now. “All press is good press” is a stupid motto. If there’s an event going on, I want to know all about it—its merits, its follies; the joy, the pain, the sunshine, the rain … This one dude from the old Toyroom Gallery was really pissed because I didn’t praise the almighty Shepard Fairey when his exhibit came to town. He wrote a really long-winded letter to the editor about, uh, I forget. At the time, I was like, get over yourself, retard, but now, when it comes time for my event, I see what he means. I want people to know all about how cool I am, so—fuuuuck, I’m out of room. Anyway, come to this event of poetry with music in the background and an open-mic—because it’s free. All right, I’m going to go steal pens and sexually harass my co-workers now.