Some kinda elite

Welcome to this week’s Reno News & Review.

I get pissed off every time I hear one of these candidates complain about the “elite” in this country. I guess I get angered because so many of the terms are supposed to describe me. So, here we go, let’s talk about my elitism.

I’m media elite because I’m the editor of a 27,000 circulation free newspaper. That’s so absurd I don’t even know where to start. Buy me a draft at whatever dive bar you happen to see in, and I’ll tell you all about how important and exclusive I am.

I’m a member of the academic elite because of the esteemed nature of the college where I got my degree. I guess that’s wholly true because I graduated from UNR, and I think smart people should run the world.

I’m a member of the liberal elite because I believe part of government’s job is to promote the general welfare, and I have my ACLU bumper sticker right next to my NRA sticker. I do own a pair of Birkenstocks, but they messed up my knees so bad I had to quit wearing them. My cowboy boots need resoling, but they’re simple cowhide, not pretentious at all.

Speaking of NRA membership, am I a member of the Second Amendment elite because my concealed weapon permit only has an Austrian weapon on it?

I presume I’m a member of the homeowner elite because I haven’t been foreclosed upon.

I’d like to say I’m a member of the beer-drinking elite, but really, I prefer macro beers like Bud Light, which sort of makes me a drinker of imported beers now, since Anheuser-Busch was purchased by Belgian-Brazilian InBev.

I think people should pull out their own personal bullshit detectors anytime someone talks about how the “elite” want things they themselves don’t. Near as I can tell, it’s the fabulously wealthy—not the “elite”—who attack my lifestyle, undermine the democracy I live in, and accuse other people of being “elite.”